“Remember Me” - Coco (2017, Pixar)

Bucky Alpine Winter stickers are on my shop now. :) Aren't they adorable?! I just love Bucky okay. Give him a cat and that's it for me.

It's nearly the end of PCOS awareness month so I thought I'd share a little something

As someone that has been diagnosed with both avpd and autism, I am curious about that post Shinji was talking about between how avpd and autism could be comorbid. Would you like to share?

Hello.. Thanks for your interest. Sorry this took so long to respond to. These thoughts are still a work in progress, so… If anyone has any input, please feel free to give it!

Just to be clear, I’m not a professional. I’m working off the research I have done, personal experience, and observations of others. Unfortunately, it is really hard to find information on this kind of thing because of the little research done about autistic adults, and how so much of it treats us like we are incapable of complex emotional behaviour because we are autistic.

The basic idea is that I think autistic people can be more inclined to develop certain personality disorders than allistic people due to how our brains are wired, how susceptible we are to abuse, and how autistic people process trauma compared to allistic people. Here, I’m talking about Avoidant Personality Disorder specifically.

#tw for talk of abuse and ableism

For AvPD, I think that when you look at the causes of it, it becomes apparent that an autistic person could easily develop it. A study taken about the relationship of those diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder and personality disorder criteria found this:

“When markedly avoidant behavior is present in individualswith PDD/ASD, it could rather be seen as a consequence ofthe PDD/ASD. For some individuals with AS, their disabilityin interpreting social cues leads to a major concern aboutwhat impression they make on others and even a disablingfear for social situations, thus increasing the risk for avoidantbehavior. Moreover, elevated sensitivity to stressful environmentsbecause of visual and auditory perceptual difficultiesmay well contribute to avoidant behavior.” (source)

So, we can see that there is a significant portion of autistic people that display enough avoidant behaviour to mark off most if not all the criteria for the diagnosis of AvPD. I mean, this isn’t news… It’s why the differential diagnosis between AvPD and autism spectrum disorders are so controversial. There was always this assumption that many people diagnosed with AvPD were actually autistic, but with new information coming out about personality disorders, I think it’s kind of silly not to consider you can have both. 

(Obviously the world of medicine is starting to believe that it’s silly, too. Being diagnosed with a PD and an autism spectrum disorder is really common now. I don’t have any statistics for this, but I can confidently say 2/3 of the autistic people I know are also securely diagnosed with a PD.)

There is a lot of controversy about the ‘nature versus nurture’ debate with personality disorders, and that’s why PDs used to not really be diagnosed alongside autism. There’s been a lot of new research on this in general, but with AvPD, it has generally been confirmed to develop from things such as neglect, abuse, incest and peer rejection. Some people do develop AvPD and feel they have nothing that conditioned the disorder, but you can’t ignore the apparent link between PTSD/C-PTSD and AvPD. 

“… it is generally believed that these biological substrates exist within the avoidant personality as a biological foundation for the emergence of the disorder itself & that full development of APD is likely due to significant environmental influences (Millon & Everly).”

So, if we take this all into account: AvPD fully develops due to environmental factors. These environmental factors are often abuse, neglect, peer rejection, and related things. And there are studies confirming that not only do autistic people experience the world more intensely, but that they are much more susceptible to neglect and peer victimization/rejection than allistic people, and twice as susceptible to physical/sexual abuse.

Being autistic in an allistic world means living in a world that is constantly telling us to be smaller, to be quieter, to not exist. Trauma can develop in several different ways, of course, but the main point is that autistic people experience the environmental causes of AvPD at higher rates than allistic people - so why would autistic people not be more inclined to develop it? Why wouldn’t an autistic person develop AvPD when the world is constantly pushing us to be exactly what AvPD turns you into: out of mind and out of sight?

I hope someday in the future more research is done about autistic adults and trauma, as well as personality disorders. (I also hope it can be done in a way that isn’t full of stigma and demonization of autistic people and the mentally ill.) 

Anyway, um, that’s just my take on it. Sorry that it got so long-winded.

- Shinji

Selfied

“Sure, no, just let me grab a quick self–” Marissa’s voice locked up mid-word and mid-sentence, her eyes freezing in helpless fascination on her phone as her thumb tapped the wrong icon and the screen exploded into a whirling tunnel of light that captivated her gaze and numbed her body into blank, helpless immobility. She didn’t so much as move a muscle as her friend Ximena walked over to her, cautiously tapping her forehead first before reaching down and giving Marissa’s ample breasts a possessive squeeze. Marissa didn’t react. She didn’t respond. She didn’t give even the slightest sign that she recognized the passage of time. And her friend’s lips slowly spread into a wide, wicked smile.

“That’s a good girl,” Ximena purred, tugging down Marissa’s leggings to reveal a pair of lavender panties that contrasted beautifully with the mesmerized woman’s tawny thighs. “That’s a nice deep slavegirl for your Mistress. You’re doing so well, Marissa, absorbing all my words and putting them down, down, down into the back of your mind where all your programming sits. You have to take a selfie before we head out for girl’s night, don’t you? It’s so important, you can’t possibly skip it. And your thumb always slips to that other button, the one that makes your mind and your body freeze for me.” The panties slid down as well, revealing a dripping cunt concealed behind a downy thatch of brown curly pubic hair.

“And what happens after that, lover, you don’t need to remember.” Ximena’s hands posed Marissa’s body, widening her stance as far as it would go and exposing her pussy even more to the dominant woman’s touch. “You don’t want to remember, not when it feels so very good to drift in pleasure and switch off every last thought for Mistress.” Ximena’s terra cotta fingers sank deep into Marissa’s cunt, finding the swollen nub of Marissa’s clit and rubbing it until the mesmerized slave’s breath came in rapid, panting gasps of arousal. “All you remember is that we had a good night out and you enjoyed yourself. Everything else slips away and slides off and you don’t even try to think about it, the same way you don’t think about anything else I’m telling you.”

Marissa still didn’t move, her face frozen in that same expectant expression, but Ximena could feel the muscles clenching and squeezing involuntarily around her exploring fingers. “You don’t think because you can’t think. Your mind is frozen in the moment, lost in the pretty lights, and there’s nothing between my voice and your deepest self anymore. Everything I say is true because you can’t question it, because the narrative of your mind has stopped and I’m replacing it with my words. I am your thoughts now, Marissa, and everything you think, you know to be true. You know you’re an obedient slave. You know Ximena is always right. You know my suggestions are better than your own beliefs and you’re happy to agree with me in all things.” The clench of orgasm never stopped. Ximena’s wicked smile widened even further.

“In a moment, I’m going to unfreeze your body,” Ximena murmured, “but your mind will remain completely paralyzed. We’re going to go to the bedroom together, and you’re going to sink even deeper into the lights while I instruct you in all the best ways to pleasure my cunt. You might lose sight of the phone, you might even feel your eyes slipping shut, but the lights will remain inside your eyes until I dismiss them and tell you to wake. You understand, don’t you, good girl?” Marissa didn’t move, didn’t speak… but her squeezing cunt told Ximena everything she needed to know about the depths of her slave’s surrender.

(If you enjoy this fiction and want to make sure it continues, please visit https://www.patreon.com/Jukebox to become a supporter. Or, if you simply want to make a one-time contribution, you can drop me a tip at https://ko-fi.com/jukebox instead. Thank you!)

Dieselpunk cars, trucks and half-tracks from the garage of Jomar Machado

Summer

Someone on Discord said Ace deserved garlic bread…they are absolutely right.

…man now I want garlic bread… 

The autistic experience is wanting to be an artist, a writer, a baker, an animator, a mother, somebodies wife, be totally independent, have a large friend group, only have one friend, move away and never speak to anyone ever again, never leave home, collect stuffed animals, heal your inner child, be a grown up, stay young at heart, get a job but not something you aren’t passionate about, eat safe foods, hate your safe foods because you’ve eaten them too much, scream and cry about how you feel like no one understands and you don’t fit in, love being different and not fitting in and not being able to do any of it because the seam of your sock isn’t sitting correctly.

~ Steve and Bucky ~