At A Protest In Atlanta

g'day, AUSTRALIA.

i think one of the scariest parts about blogging is sitting yourself down and then flipping through the catalog of emotions and experiences, looking for what you think is relevant or noteworthy, both for your own reading pleasure and for that of others. for me, it felt like the catalog i began once i arrived in australia was filled to the brim with a myriad of feelings, from overwhelming excitement to daunting fear. it’s challenging to write this blog itself, because i still don’t know exactly what i want to talk about. i guess i’ll start from the very beginning.

the immersion began from the moment claire and i stepped off of the plane. having been in the air for the past fourteen hours, we headed for the restroom—or rather, the toilets­—and then looked for the exit—or rather, the way out. noticing these disparities between australian and american english, as well as the chilly weather outside of the airport, i arrived at the first of multiple realizations: we’re in a different country. not entirely different, or even very different; but definitely somewhere foreign, somewhere new. somewhere where the weather is at its coldest in july and where i have to look to the right before i cross the road.

almost immediately, i felt a mingled and intense surge of emotions and feelings: excitement, breathlessness, fear, happiness, anticipation.  it’s strange to describe this, because it felt nearly visceral, but everything had a certain glow, a sort of aura of unfamiliarity and newness. i even vaguely recalled feeling this way when i visited england and france, or when i first arrived at USC.

we jumped on the bus (from the left side), fresh from the plane ride and ready for another three hours of travel to canberra (with an accent on the can, in contrary to the manner in which i previously pronounced it) from sydney, which lies to the north. although we were unable to see a lot of sydney because of very high freeway partitions, we noticed some interesting things: houses resembling those i had seen in the british or french countryside; rolling, grassy hills layered with trees; an awkwardly long (but narrow and low ceilinged) tunnel. upon arriving to canberra, we were greeted by a friendly student who drove us to our college (australian for "dormitory"), where we quickly settled in. we rushed to enrol (yes, only one l) in classes, obtain student IDs, and then begin our first weekend in australia.

yeah, so there’s a lot i’ve skimmed over/totally ignored. gotta start somewhere. i’ll elaborate on specific aspects (e.g., canberra itself, what uni is like, etcetera) later. i'm just glad to finally get started.

A hork-baijir hhsgsfsfsgshdhdhshsf

an entomologist rates ant emojis

Beautiful big almond eye, realistic and full of expression as she gazes gently at you. Elbowed antennae and delicately segmented legs and body. Gorgeous pearlescent sheen like she is glowing. This ant moisturizes. This ant is round and huggable. This ant is a star. 11/10.

Beautifully detailed, lifelike pose but with an unexpected neck and odd antennae, perhaps scared straight. Her eyes suggest she has seen things. Her expression confirms she has seen too much. She is haunted and I want to know more. 7/10.

Floppy antenna, pointy muppet face, oddly posed legs. What is she? She has no waist. May be she is some kind of bee in disguise? I find her unsettling. 3/10.

This ant has an unexplained, double-jointed thorax, and no evidence of a waist. Her four-footed pose suggests that she a centaur rather than an ant. Centaur ants would be cool. I’m not sure what was intended here. 2/10.

Good first impression, kind of bland in the details. This ant has no particular waist to speak of, floppy rather than elbowed antennae, and an inexpressive face. Her color scheme is soft and hazy. I like the sharp angles of her stylishly sophisticated legs. This ant may not know quite were she is going, but she knows how she is getting there. 6/10.

Were you even trying. 0/10

Gasp! This ant is elegant. This ant has a beautiful tapered thorax, a segmented abdomen, alert, elbowed antennae, and a light-footed pose. This ant’s face suggests curiosity and a desire to explore the world. This ant inspires me. I want to be like her. 10/10

3-legged, waistless centaur-ant with strange, limp antennae and a beak. I don’t know what this is? It kind of reminds me of a Hork-Bajir. 1/10, not an ant.

This ant… makes me sad. All of her legs are broken. The MS Paint art style and gradient abuse convey distress. She has a duck beak. Despite this, her expression suggests perseverance and determined cheerfulness. I want this ant to have a better life. I am rooting for her. 3/10

This ant is a bold and challenging mixture of photorealism and caricature. She is broad and low-built and seems very sturdy. She looks like she would help you move. This ant is a dependable friend. 9/10

A picture of an ant from a children’s book.  She is wearing little boots.  This ant is wrong in every way, and yet I can’t stay mad at her.  7/10

An interesting, top-down view of an ant; her legs are positioned with slightly jarring symmetry.  Nevertheless, her overall impression is that of a graceful, stylized design, like a pictograph.  She is suitable for adorning fine garments and jewelry or perhaps gracing the walls of a tiny ant church.  I like this minimalist ant.  8/10.

This is a termite. -10/10

‘Race and racism is a reality that so many of us grow up learning to just deal with. But if we ever hope to move past it, it can’t just be on people of color to deal with it. It’s up to all of us – Black, white, everyone – no matter how well-meaning we think we might be, to do the honest, uncomfortable work of rooting it out. It starts with self-examination and listening to those whose lives are different from our own. It ends with justice, compassion, and empathy that manifests in our lives and on our streets.’ — Michelle Obama

the holy grail

I grew up gay in the ’70s and ’80s, when things were obviously much different than they are now. There was no gay culture for a gay teen in an American suburb, at all. The overriding message was there’s something wrong with you, there’s something inside of you that’s just wrong. It’s broken. It’s bad. It’s diseased. And so it’s a pretty harsh message to internalize when you’re, like, 11. It leaves you with three different options. One is you just keep internalizing it and keep internalizing it and tell yourself you’re this horrible, diseased, broken person. And that’s why gay teens kill themselves. Another strategy is to say I’m going to try and convince you that you’re wrong, right? I’m going to show you that I’m actually really normal in every other way. That’s the gay lobby in D.C., who are just, like, so intent on proving that they’re exactly like straight people in every single other way, so please accept us. And then, I think, a third strategy is just to say, You know what? Go fuck yourself. I’m going to be the one to impose judgments on you, and let’s examine the propriety of your behavior instead.

Glenn Greenwald’s response to the question, “Was there a formative moment in your childhood that might’ve cast you in the adversarial role?” in his interview with GQ

I’m the leaf

#NowPlaying Once by Maren Morris