This Is How My Voice Sounds In My Head

WHO DID THIS TO ELLIE

Everyone mourns differently.

I grew up gay in the ’70s and ’80s, when things were obviously much different than they are now. There was no gay culture for a gay teen in an American suburb, at all. The overriding message was there’s something wrong with you, there’s something inside of you that’s just wrong. It’s broken. It’s bad. It’s diseased. And so it’s a pretty harsh message to internalize when you’re, like, 11. It leaves you with three different options. One is you just keep internalizing it and keep internalizing it and tell yourself you’re this horrible, diseased, broken person. And that’s why gay teens kill themselves. Another strategy is to say I’m going to try and convince you that you’re wrong, right? I’m going to show you that I’m actually really normal in every other way. That’s the gay lobby in D.C., who are just, like, so intent on proving that they’re exactly like straight people in every single other way, so please accept us. And then, I think, a third strategy is just to say, You know what? Go fuck yourself. I’m going to be the one to impose judgments on you, and let’s examine the propriety of your behavior instead.

Glenn Greenwald’s response to the question, “Was there a formative moment in your childhood that might’ve cast you in the adversarial role?” in his interview with GQ

RIP, ugly betty :(

it's so disappointing that this cancellation comes after the hopeful announcement that the show would be moved from the friday night death damnation slot to wednesday night. but given the rather ugly quality of the past two seasons, i think it's time to let go.

as a tearful goodbye, i've posted one of my favorite moments from season two, maybe from the whole series. ugly betty may be done, but amanda is FOREVER.

la la la la laaaaaaaaa

This can be addressed. Something can be done. Just because you don’t see the future right now doesn’t mean you never will or that the future doesn’t exist for you. The very fact that you recognize that there’s something to see but you’re just not able to see it right now might mean that you were able to see it once before. It might not be the same future that you envisioned when you were younger, but it still belongs to you.

The future is yours. It won’t be perfect and it won’t be easy, but it has never left you. Never let it.

“My problem is, I don’t see a future for myself, and when you see no future it becomes easier to see the end.”

- It becomes closer everyday.

blogging FAIL.

no one but myself to blame!

well, there was also that trip to orlando.

and to san diego.

and...my outright laziness.

i feel like i started off the blog very quickly, at the very cusp of summer, with the renewed energy that comes with staying up until the early morning and waking up in the late afternoon. although i said that i'd blog about my preparation for australia, i've actually done the most of my preparing in the past few days, with only 2 days left to go before i board my flight.

i enjoyed the freedom to procrastinate. and that renewed energy only compelled me to seek other pleasures of summer, like finishing then we came to the end and watching vicky cristina barcelona. (both were excellent.)

but i just felt hesitation whenever i thought about my future travels, like figuring out what i wanted to do in australia would require tedious, almost scholarly, research, through the purchase of cumbersome travel guides and skimming of foreign websites. and now, everything feels rushed, and crammed together like the clothes in my bulging suitcase.

but i don't know that it's all bad. as much as i wanted to plan out every minute of the next six months, i'm reminded that traveling should be about adventure and spontaneity. and while i know better than to completely abandon making any plans, i'm sure that i'm going to have an amazing time.

it was a pretty great summer, after all.

Now listen, you rich people, weep and wail because of the misery that is coming on you. Your wealth has rotted, and moths have eaten your clothes. Your gold and silver are corroded. Their corrosion will testify against you and eat your flesh like fire. You have hoarded wealth in the last days. Look! The wages you failed to pay the workers who mowed your fields are crying out against you. The cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord Almighty. You have lived on earth in luxury and self-indulgence. You have fattened yourselves in the day of slaughter. You have condemned and murdered the innocent one, who was not opposing you.— James 5:1-6