Briashard - Came For The Fandom, Stayed For Free Therapy

a very good lesson my therapist helped me with was changing “should” to “want to”

example:

“I should shower.” -> moral, weighty, often an addition to the chorus of shit you are already struggling with. a dead end! guilt and shame are not sustainable motivators.

“I want to shower.” -> acknowledgement of a need and desire, now we can move forward!

often, when we’re stuck, it’s unlikely that we are choosing it. even if you have the “i could do this if i just got off my ass” running through your head, that doesn’t mean it’s correct. something is stopping you. something is preventing you. moving forward looks like figuring out what that blockage is.

there are infinite reasons we get stuck or don’t do something. often, these reasons have little places we can push back on.

with our example, here are some reasons that have interfered with my hygiene, and what i tell/ask myself when they come up. my therapist recommended getting curious with the feeling, not judgmental. genuinely, gently: why is this thing stopping you?

i don’t like my skin being damp, it’s really uncomfortable -> the discomfort will suck, and i’ll feel better once i’m dry. is the post-shower dampness more uncomfortable than feeling icky right now?

i can’t stand up that long and making it to the shower is too fucking hard -> i can sit on the side of the tub / i don’t have to shower right now, i can rest for a bit and see where i’m at after

i haven’t done that much, so i’m not that dirty -> i still don’t feel very good, maybe a shower would help reset. even if i don’t feel better, at least i don’t have to add sensory ick to the bad feeling.

i forgot and now it’s time for bed and i can’t sleep with wet hair -> i can shower in the morning! / i can do a body wash and take care of my hair in the morning

and listen, sometimes the reason for not doing something you want to do is very fucking compelling. sometimes you just can’t fucking shower. and you learn to stock hygiene wipes on the grocery list and keep a stack of clean washcloths by the sink, and you buy a shower chair for the days you need to sit down.

and if you get to a place where you want something and won’t give it to yourself (not can’t!), you need to ask why you’re depriving yourself of something you want.

i find that is often more helpful than railing against yourself for something you should be doing.

I'm really surprised how many young fiber art people don't know that they can get pattern books from their local library. So as a PSA:

Your local public library has pattern books! They have crochet, knitting, weaving, and quilting pattern books! If they don't have the book you want, or the craft you want, you can ask for us to get it for you! It's free!

*through gritted teeth* you are not a child taking a test with the purpose of getting the highest score, you are an adult trying new things and finding ways to enjoy your life, make mistakes, be a beginner, be mediocre, be where you need to be, be unlikeable, just. be.

STOP! are you operating on an arbitrary set of terms and rules known only to you? have you created an ultimatum or specific if/then scenario for someone else without communicating it to them? have you considered making a decision and calculated all the consequences and potential reactions to those consequences and consequences for those reactions before you actually made the decision? it may be time to say some words out loud to another person!

embarrassment has good bones

ok, this is amazing. I found a great site with short stories in 34 languages!

"WorldStories is a growing collection of stories from around the world. The collection includes retold traditional tales and new short stories in the languages most spoken by UK children.

We are adding new stories, translations, pictures and sound recordings every week. So keep coming back to enjoy new content!"

people think they shouldn't vote as a protest or whatever because they've been raised on boycotts. which do sometimes work.

boycotts deprive the target of money.

not voting does not deprive the government of money.

it does, however, deprive you of power.

it's not like a boycott.

Sometimes when you've been sad or in pain for too long, you get used to it. And after a while, when you're no longer in that state, you have no idea how to deal with yourself. You might even miss the sense of self you had before. In such times, ask yourself to be strong. Do not give in to the past for the sake of habit. Make being happy your new normal.

As an adult you must cultivate the skill of “Gross! Oh, well. Not my business.”

To the ones who want to vote 3rd party, or don't want to vote at all

I reblog political stuff, but I rarely make my own posts on this kind of thing, mostly because for as much as I read and I try to understand the U.S. Political system, I know I don't know everything and so I try to keep my mouth shut.

But I'm feeling so depressed and despondent today, after the Supreme Court ruling, and so I feel the need to make this post.

If you're someone who's wanting to vote 3rd party this November, or if you're not planning on voting at all because "Both sides bad", I deeply, deeply encourage you to do 2 things.

Look up Project 2025: Highly recommend watching this video in particular, but if it's too long or you don't want to watch, please look it up. It is very real, it is coming, and it should concern you.

Please consider your friends and family. Even if you yourself will not be directly affected by the Project 2025 plans, chances are very, very good that you know someone who will be directly affected by these plans.

I get it. You don't like either of them. I don't either. Biden isn't the best choice. Biden isn't someone you necessarily want in office. But our country is presently operating on a two party system. It's wildly unfair, but abolishment of the Electoral College and two party system is not this year's fight. No matter how fervently someone may believe their third party vote could change things, I guarantee you that this time, this election? It won't.

If you don't like either candidate, think about your family. Think about your friends. Think about what's at stake for those people. Even if you don't like either candidate, there's probably one you hate more.

To all of my disenfranchised, tired, hopeless, apathetic peers who feel like nothing matters and that they don't care about two old men fighting for the white house, I beg of you... Now is not the time to stop caring. Revolution can and will come. Radical change can and will come. But it has to start with creating a space that allows radical change.