Let Bert Do His Thing. He Got Flow.

Happy midnight! Today is a new day! I am terrified to go panhandling. I don't think I can do it. I would need to be actually homeless to have enough desperation. I guess that means I'm giving up nicotine. But that stuff is bad for me anyway. Would you beg on the streets to avoid nicotine withdrawal? It seems, for me, the answer is "no."

Affirmation of the Day: My name is Blue, and I have a nice smile.

Thank you. Yes, I REALLY do need to affirm my new name. I still have to use my old name in real life. I need to keep reinforcing my new name by using it here, so that my new sense of identity is not extinguished. So I started an art therapy project to draw my new name in different ways.

I am too depressed to do anything, and my thoughts are troubled by paranoia. However, I feel more stable than I did yesterday. Daily Affirmation: My name is Blue, and feeling bad does not make me a bad person.

I might be going crazy, but I think I'm going to try panhandling tomorrow. Doing gigs and odd jobs is too stressful for me. I'm not homeless, but I can't work and my disability aid is months away. I haven't done panhandling before, and I am rather terrified. But I am going to wear a face mask, a hat, and sunglasses, which will help with the feeling of embarrassment. Wish me luck.

I tried to quit nicotine again yesterday. Cue the instability and mental screaming. I couldn't do it. I bought some more nicotine. Panhandling annoys the conservatives, and it will pay for my nicotine. I really need to get out there and panhandle. The worst thing that could happen is a mugger tries to kill me and take my money. I am a giant. I have never been mugged before. The first person who tries to mug me gets to find out what it's like to have all their joints dislocated one by one. But that probably won't happen. I'll take a picture of the panhandling spot and post a tracing this evening.

You know, I really hate my community a lot. It felt good to cause a public nuisance by panhandling at an intersection for a couple of hours. I hope that I caused a lot of annoyance for a lot of people. I didn't make any money, but that's not the point. My relationship with my community is now one where I go around asking as many people as possible for money, to express my displeasure. I hope everyone who drove past me at that intersection gets a flat tire. Screw you, everybody in my hometown. Screw all of you and give me money!

I am addicted to the hatred of others in my community. Dear hometown, I drink your hatred of me like the finest craft root beer. I will never stop panhandling. I will never stop begging. Because your hatred makes me feel alive. All I am doing is asking for help. The more everyone in my community hates me, the more confident I am in my moral superiority. I don't care about your money, hometown. That is just a bonus. I want you to give me all of your disgusting, evil hatred for the poor, because I love it!

My ability to draw is severely limited. I need to improve my skill in private to be able to continue with this art project. So there will be no more images for a while. Daily Affirmation: My name is Blue, and my existence has value.

Daily Affirmation: My name is Blue, and I am able to learn new skills.

∅ Hi, Blue here. ∅ I deleted number 6, and made a new version. This is number 8, not counting the deleted one. I am a real star!