HIStory 2: Crossing The Line EP3

chinese fashion by 凭风以西

Not just thousands of Palestinian children, but tens of thousands of Palestinian youths, men, women, and the elderly. 5% of Gaza's population has been either severely disabled/injured, has gone missing, or has been genocided. From destroying orchards and farms, to the destruction of Gaza Infrastructure to the point where it has collapsed in many spaces -especially their medical complexes, to the complete lack of access to fresh and clean water. Israhell is also still starving Palestinians -is still committing war crimes, and now this? The zionists are continuing their illegal settler-colonial project full steam ahead apparently, and it's beyond horrific.

I’m not joking when I say: masochism as a survival tactic. masochism as a skill. masochism as an upper hand. life is full of pain, those of of who’ve figured out how to enjoy it and transmute it and use it are so fucking ahead of the curve.

Awesome growing trend

This is exactly how that scene went

Vegas and the Hedgehog dilemma

*Spoilers for episode 10*

Since episode 10 has been out, I’ve read a lot about Stockholm syndrome and Lima syndrome, normally used to justify relationships forged between abductors and their captives. While emotional psychology is not my forte (my area of expertise being language), what really caught my attention was the little hedgehog that I’m assuming Vegas has as a pet. Of all the attention given to details in his study room, the Virgin Mary with a skull, the gag ball, the lamp with green shade, the caged animal lit a bulb on my head.

Has anyone heard about the Hedgehog dilemma?

In short, hedgehogs are nocturnal animals with spines around their bodies. Unlike porcupines, their spines are way smaller and less noticeable but hard and painful in the same way. If not more. Similar to a cactus, you are aware of the large spines but sometimes the smaller ones go undetected, and then it is when you get prickled.

The hedgehog dilemma is really about intimacy. Like any other animal, hedgehogs long for physical warmth during winter and the way to obtain it is to get close to other hedgehogs. However, because they are not able to retract or shed their spines (and risk being eaten by predators), they end up stinging and hurting each other. In order to avoid pain, they need to keep a physical distance. Now let’s transpose this metaphor to human intimacy. People long for intimacy and warmth from other human beings. It is part of our psyche and crucial for our emotional stability. And intimacy can be at many levels – physical, emotional, sexual. However, because of one’s emotional baggage (or any other baggage – external, social, you name it), humans cannot get close to each other without hurting each other as well.

Now let’s transpose this dilemma onto Vegas.

Vegas.

Vegas Theerapanyakul.

Vegas, as I assume and from the hints we receive in the drama so far, has grown up in a very unhealthy environment. His father is everything but benevolent. His father does not accept his relationships, much less his sexuality. His father, and all the surrounding circumstances has made him use manipulation for survival. Vegas is, on a superficial level, cold, scheming, a psychopath I dare to say. He uses people to achieve his ends, he relishes in torture, and once they lose their purpose, he shoots them. There is no guilt or hesitation when he pulls the trigger (compare to how many times Kinn has pulled the trigger so far in the series).

Vegas is seemingly the perfect villain, but has anyone stop to think that he is hurt, so hurt beyond repair at this point of the series? Vegas is a hedgehog – he has deadly spines around him that he leaves a trail of devastation whichever he goes. But more than anything, Vegas longs for the warmth that he wants but never got. The scene with Tawan in front of the mirror, even when naked (which is one of the major steps one can take in terms of intimacy – to be naked with someone else and not be judged) feels rather fake and the complete opposite of intimacy. There are huge walls around Vegas there. It is almost as if Vegas had detached from his true-self and only a hollow version of him is left there to entertain Tawan and his delusion.     

So Vegas the hedgehog must have tried to become close to someone but the same way he has hurt others, others have hurt him. And rejected him – his father, the main family, Kinn (who I think he looks up to more than despise).

But we have another hedgehog in the series – Pete.

Pete’s spines are also out there – his smiley persona, his outgoing and carefree self. Pete strikes me as someone who is nice to everyone, but not really close to anyone. While Vegas has seen countless people succumb to his torture, Pete is the one to remain standing and refusing to entertain him.

No, no, no. Let’s rephrase that. Pete is the one to be able to see beyond the spines and accept Vegas.

No, no, no. Let’s rephrase it again.

Pete is the one to be able to bear the pain of Vegas’ spines and despite so, he is willing to remain by Vegas side. And Vegas, Vegas is not prepared to receive the full blow of Pete’s spines when these are out there pointing at him and stabbing him, inch by inch, skin and bones.

Because when it does, Vegas will understand what true intimacy is. And when he does, he will become so addicted to it that he will not know how to react.

And that, is what I am really waiting for.

(going back to my Kinn and Vegas protection corner)         

Today in niche genres of joke that I can never get enough of and will probably still be secretly thinking about four years later

bottoms (2023, dir. emma seligman)

could the ugly, untalented gays please report to the principal's office?

the palestinian olympic team in paris 🇵🇸