Me: I Don't Get It. I Thought I Was Doing A Lot Better Than I Was A Few Years Ago. I'm Like 10 Times

mmm yes perfectly normal!

locking in won't save you. self-discipline won't save you. you're trying to tidy up a house built on a fault line whose shifting is beyond your control. you know this already.

People tend to think that when you're not able to do work because of chronic illness or disability (taking days off, not doing housework, being unemployed etc.) that you're just able to have fun and chill out like it's a holiday but that's so far from the truth.

The symptoms preventing you from working usually also prevent you from doing things you enjoy, or at least make doing those things significantly harder and less enjoyable.

It may seem like someone not working due to an illness has lots of free time, but that's not correct. The time is not free, the time is being used to rest and recover, which is really a task in its own right.

When I'm in a state where I can't go to school, I usually can't do much else either. I'm too fatigued, or in too much pain to make art or play games, too fatigued to read and actually comprehend what I've read. The only thing I can really do is lie down and scroll social media or watch TV, anything I don't need to actually think about or put physical effort into.

And it's not enjoyable. I'm still suffering from symptoms. I want to do other things, but I can't.

I would much rather feel healthy and work than be ill and stay home

(Disclaimer: this isn't to say that everyone with a chronic illness or disability is always suffering and unable to do anything or that disabled people can't have fun or that anyone who is able to participate in hobbies and fun things must be well enough to work, just that it's frustrating to see people think disabled people are "lucky to not have to work". Wanted to say this in case anyone gets the wrong idea or feels invalidated - you don't need to suffer greatly to be valid in your illness)

oooohb its gettibg bad aagajn

why is tumblr recommending me. my grown ass. posts made by sick children

Chronic pain pisses me off cause I'm not even incapacitated for like a cool or badass reason instead my body is throwing the world's biggest temper tantrum because it's raining outside