Aye Can I Get Uh………ingredients On My Burger

me on a tuesday

4am thoughts

experimental linguists hard at work in a top secret facility to discover the Ultimate Universal Slur

My three girlfriends. And yes, they smoke weed.

This is a comment someone appended to a photo of two men apparently having sex in a very fancy room, but it’s also kind of an amazing two-line poem? “His Wife has filled his house with chintz” is a really elegant and beautiful counterbalancing of h, f, and s sounds, and “chintz” is a perfect word choice here—sonically pleasing and good at evoking nouveau riche tackiness. And then “to keep it real I fuck him on the floor” collapses that whole mood with short percussive sounds—but it’s still a perfect iambic pentameter line, robust and a lovely obscene contrast with the chintz in the first line. Well done, tumblr user jjbang8

dude shut up. i know how to cum i just dont feel like proving it alright

me: does absolutely nothing all day for the 24th day in a row

chronic illness: big day right bud?? You deserve a nap!!!! snzzzzzz 😴 you can do the tasks u have been needing to do tomorrow !!!

me: does absolutely nothing all day for the 25th day in a row

chronic illness: big day right b

i am indifferent towards your shoelaces

All you fuckers are like “pop tarts are ravioli!” “Uncrustables are ravioli!”

I will hit you in the face with the concepts of convergent evolution and analogous structures

ough