Dead Man Walking

Fic idea where it’s Soap and Gaz, who very quickly after joining Task Force 141, realized they were unequivocally, indisputably and irrefutably in love with their superiors. So they make a plan to charm them.

Except their targets are:

John “I don’t need therapy I need retirement” Price

and

Simon “if you feel nothing you lose nothing” Riley

Everyone who sees you and Simon has a different idea of who the parasite is. Because it’s got to be one of you, otherwise the whole damned world won’t make sense.

The people who see the way you smile after Simon punches the lights out of someone who hit on you at the bar, the way you heap shopping bags on him without a word– they figure that some conniving, pretty thing has taken an ugly, lonely dog and wrapped it around her little finger to do her bidding. Who would otherwise be with a beast like that unless they were getting something out of it? He’s a bit older, too. You’re probably milking him for all he’s got, and the poor bastard might even be aware, but he’s too desperate to stop it from happening. People have a miraculous way of pitying the thing that disgusts them– as if the disgusting thing ever asked. The disgusting thing would prefer to be neither disgusting nor pitied, but if it had to pick one? It would rather be disgusting.

The people who see Simon’s bruising grip around your waist, the way he grabs you by the hand and pulls you out of establishments, the way he grunts when you dote on him– they think poor thing. Letting a brute handle her like that. She probably has no self respect, thinks that she can’t do any better, is convinced that hurt and love are close bedfellows. Probably has a strained relationship with her parents, if there’s any at all. Probably too scared to leave. Bet he just grabbed the first soft thing he could see when he realized that he needed something to keep inside, to warm his bed, to make his tea, to bear the brunt of his feelings of impotence. You must be helpless and lost. You must cry yourself to sleep sometimes. You must know that one day he might rip something out that you can’t grow back.

In reality, they should be scared of your symbiosis. As if created by the philosopher’s stone, your bond was forged without sacrifice. The ultimate fulfillment in auto-cannibalism is unattainable, but you’ve figured out how to perpetually nourish and consume each other, a two-headed ouroboros. It was supposed to be Adam pulling free his rib to create his woman, not two anatomical dolls sitting on the floor together and exchanging plastic organs. 

You don’t like the pickles and he does, so you get to take your pickles off of your burger and he gets to have extra pickles.

Idea! Autistic Ghost and a Price who over the years has tried to get him stimming properly.

Like Simon used to get yelled at bare minimum if he stimmed, so naturally he suppressed it

Meanwhile over the years price has been subtly encouraging stims, trying to get Simon unmasking

Like Simon running his fingers along like a vest that price had, enjoying the texture and price is just like... He can have that, I'll get a new one

Or tired Simon making a stimmy noise without thinking and price doesn't question it just like "Mhm yeah"

Interviewer, catching Damian in costume: Robin! Can you explain the process of picking up Robin or passing on the mantle?

Damian, mildly annoyed at Bruce at the moment: It's quite simple. Batmam steals young children from their bed, usually nine or ten or so. Then he takes you to his lair and give you a deal.

Damian: If you can beat him in a game of your choosing, he will train you to be Robin. If you lose, you are eaten. I beat him in a classic fencing game. He's quite good with swords, but he wasn't very good with the sport itself.

Tim, standing next to him: Yeah, I beat him at a memory card game. I like totally cheated, but I'm too old for him to eat now, so ot doesn't matter.

Damian, nodding: Yes. The worst part of the job is disposing of failed Robins bones. He usually sucks them clean and leaves them all over the floor.

Tim: Yeah, its messy. But after you hit, like 15 he stops trying to eat you, so that's cool.

Damian: I have not yet reached 15. I'm still in danger. If you have more questions, ask Nightwing, as he was the first to avoid being eaten.

-

Same interviewer, at a different date: Mr. Nightwing. Is it true Batman tries to eat potential Robins?

Dick, who has no idea what she's taking about: Yeah, it's really scary. His jaw unhinges like a snake.

Caught a fish

Tip jar

as promised some braid ghosties! (+ my first exploratory sketches of ghost in the first one ++ the last one a slightly updated version)

collecting posts of this type

Simon always had one hand on Johnny, whether it was placed on his shoulder or a finger around the belt loop on his pants

To some, it might seem like the lieutenant was in charge, holding a dog on a lease

When the real reason was, Simon was very touch-starved, and it was his way of clinging to Johnny

Simon was the clingy puppy in the relationship

i was put on this gay ass earth to draw the same pictures again and again

simon didn't even say anything when you asked, he just complied.

"shh– 's okay, baby," he sushes your cries, hand brushing your cheek but his eyes are glued to where you two are connected. "i'm– shit— i'm halfway in already."

"halfway?!" you whine, and both of you giggle at the notion. well, nobody told you to ask your best friend to fuck you with his huge dick. "hate you, simon," you gasp, all bark and no bite.

he kisses your pouty lips, moaning at the way the movement makes him slip a bit deeper in you. "hm, tha' so, luv?"

no, you don't. he knows it and you know it, it only gets more obvious when he's bottoming out with a thumb on your clit and you're coming around him. he can only coo at you, "fuckin' hell– hate me, ya said?" slowly fucking into you. "don't think–" he's cut off but his own moan, you're still clenching around him as you come down from your orgasm. "don't think so, baby."