Simon Riley Got His Fingers Fucked Up. Time Spent Under Roba's Torture Messed Up The Joints, Made His

Alejandro is banned from going to Costco without a responsible adult [read as: Rudy] present.

This is after he came back with two bulk packs of pancake mix, a pack of 30 mini crossaints, and three different kinds of tequila.

Rudy sent him to buy a bulk pack of batteries, and that only.

Kate knows that if she and Sarah are walking into Costco, they're walking out with a rotisserie chicken in a bag. Every time without fail.

They're also buying light bulbs and a ridiculous amount of Dr Pepper.

Sarah ignores the cigarettes in their cart for the sake of her own health, and Kate ignores the blanket that she knows she didn't put in there.

Nikolai walks in like a man on a mission. He has his comfiest shoes on, and he is prepared to elbow a grandmother. He's stockpiling herbs and spices.

John is getting more cashews that necessary because he will eat them.

Neither of them are sure when they picked up three pounds worth of green grapes, and yet they leave, grapes in hand, regardless.

Husband!Simon Riley that lurks behind you constantly. in your home, at the grocery store, at a bar - he’s just looming behind you. sometimes he just stands and stares at the back of your head, absolutely smitten that you’re his and he’s yours. he’s not the best with words, but he’s great at following behind you

Husband!Simon Riley that’s silently delighted when you lean against him. he’s sturdy, a wall of a man - he’s cracking a small smile under his mask when you lean into him. he’s wrapping his arm around your waist, supporting your weight as you glance around. he tried leaning against you once, he didn’t tell you and caught you off guard, almost sending you tumbling to the floor

Husband!Simon Riley that likes when you give him mundane tasks. he’s always been good about following through on orders, yours just happen to be less life-or-death than his job. he’ll do exactly what you tell him to do, no comments or complaints. you want him to fold laundry? he’s doing it how you showed him, folding shirts and pants the way you like. you want him to change a lightbulb? he’s already walking to the closet. you want him to give you a kiss? say less, he’s stalking towards you

Husband!Simon Riley that spritzes his clothes with your perfume/cologne. just a little, he likes that he can walk around alone but it still feels like you’re with him. it doesn’t matter what scent it is - floral, fruity, smokey, musky, he’d happily drown in the scent. sometimes he sprays his balaclava with it before he leaves on a deployment, the 141 silently side eyeing each other because they can smell Ghost coming before they can see him

ghoap au where soulmates share pain. ghost with chronic pain who takes care of himself enough to stay alive vs soap who’s got spread sheets and slide shows on pain management and pacing for the day he finds his soulmate.

price with reader who never got much attention as a kid/growing up??

very self indulgent but hear me out. price is a lover man. he takes his time for his partners, gives them what they need, even if he's busy. you on the other hand are simply used to being put aside, people only listening to you half heartedly, not looking at you and getting distracted when you talk, other things were always more important than you and you felt that. you got used to it, it's normal to you.

but when you're with price he's the total opposite. he looks at you intently when you talk (if not hes leaning his head towards you so he hears you better), putting things down when you ask him something - hes attentive. he listens. and its absolutely strange to you, it makes you feel flustered, kinda watched. at some point you ask him why hes looking at you like that, the tv running in the backround. he furrows his eyebrows at you, with a confused chuckle. "what do you mean, love?"

"you're starin' at me." you accuse him, your cheeks getting hot.

"you're talkin' to me. where else would I be looking?" he jokes with a soft chuckle, wondering what the hell you're on about.

"your show's on." you say, gesturing to the tv. he looks at you like youve got three heads.

"I'm listening to you, love."

But first they must catch you 🏳️‍⚧️

warm up doodle of my wife

Interviewer, catching Damian in costume: Robin! Can you explain the process of picking up Robin or passing on the mantle?

Damian, mildly annoyed at Bruce at the moment: It's quite simple. Batmam steals young children from their bed, usually nine or ten or so. Then he takes you to his lair and give you a deal.

Damian: If you can beat him in a game of your choosing, he will train you to be Robin. If you lose, you are eaten. I beat him in a classic fencing game. He's quite good with swords, but he wasn't very good with the sport itself.

Tim, standing next to him: Yeah, I beat him at a memory card game. I like totally cheated, but I'm too old for him to eat now, so ot doesn't matter.

Damian, nodding: Yes. The worst part of the job is disposing of failed Robins bones. He usually sucks them clean and leaves them all over the floor.

Tim: Yeah, its messy. But after you hit, like 15 he stops trying to eat you, so that's cool.

Damian: I have not yet reached 15. I'm still in danger. If you have more questions, ask Nightwing, as he was the first to avoid being eaten.

-

Same interviewer, at a different date: Mr. Nightwing. Is it true Batman tries to eat potential Robins?

Dick, who has no idea what she's taking about: Yeah, it's really scary. His jaw unhinges like a snake.

I get so irrationally angry when people (namely non USAmericans) lean hard into meme-ing the "stupid americans" jokes

Because yeah, maybe you're right, a lot of us couldn't name your neighboring countries, or we can't point to your province on a map, or we haven't the foggiest clue of conversion rate of imperial to metric, or whatever reason or tidbit you want to add. Yes. We know that. We know that you know that.

But consider. A lot of us haven't left our own state before. A lot of us don't know half our own state. Please consider that a lot of people are simply trying to make it to the next day, next week, next month. I, myself, am extremely fortunate to be living with my parents at my age and my "rent" is extremely low. I'm fortunate. Many people are scrambling to pick up extra shifts at work or finding a second job to afford cost of living. Lots and lots of people are worrying about how to get karen out of their face without losing their job, they don't have time to study maps of europe.

And I get it. It's extremely easy to make that joke. We make it easy. And you don't what the average working class looks like. You hate our politics but can't change them, we hate them more and have no choice but to live with them. Your taxes go to public schools and healthcare. Ours go to military forces.

I can't police what anyone says, just asking that you think about your jokes. You're kicking a dying horse here.

ghost good at motivating