Idiots Getting Owned By The Mcelroys: Day 157

The Kaua’i Cave Wolf Spider

The Kaua’i Cave Wolf Spider, also known as the blind spider, is an endangered species native to the Hawaiian island of Kaua’i. It’s scientific name is ‘Adelocosa anops’, and it is the only known species in the genus Adelocosa, making them incredibly unique. They have only been found in a few caves in Kaua’i, and only six populations have been found. They are eyeless and completely harmless to humans.

other ppl i guess: *use ‘its magic’ as a way to not think about it anymore*

me, compelte idiot: *uses ‘its magic’ as an excuse ot come up with excessively convolued magic systems using stuff i barely understand* 

Why the fuck don’t vampires understand animal agriculture.

“Oh we are vegetarian vampires, we only drink blood from animals, so we go out into the incredibly unique temperate rainforest ecosystem of the Pacific Northwest and hunt their rare megafauna” what the fuck dude. Why? Just keep some cows, y’all have so much money! Just keep some goddamn goats! Order some live horses! Leave the local wildlife alone!

“I am a vampire with a soul and I am so tortured with guilt all I can eat are rats off the street” off the street!?! Dude what is wrong with you. Just start a rat rescue. I have friends in rat rescue. Do you have any idea how many rats they get all the time? Rats that aren’t covered in fleas and filled with diseases??? Rats that are pregnant and have baby rats? You’ll be eating for the rest of your life!

All these vampires making eating the hardest fucking thing in the world like we never figured out how to get continuous animal resources for food thousands of years ago why the fuck you think you have to be hunter/gatherer about it like it’s the goddam Paleolithic

Shocking revelations

That smile at the end? Priceless...

reminder that full suits of armor...weren’t actually the norm for medieval warfare. like, at all.

full plate armor was only widely used for less than a century, at the end of the Middle Ages. it was soon outdated by the growing use of firearms, and was more common in performative jousting than in actual warfare.

and knights in shining armor? they probably barely existed. shining suits of armor were the sorts of things kings wore in parades–the medieval equivalent of a fashion photoshoot. in reality, polishing armor to a shine was horribly expensive and difficult to maintain on grimy battlefields–painted armor was much more practical. 

knights in shining armor existed in medieval times the same way hardboiled detectives existed in the 20th century–as a trope for contemporary & future audiences to romanticize. in that regard, they were very successful!

Fuckin hate TUA season 4. They Game of Thrones’d it. I demand fanfic rewrites. And wtf was that Five/Lila nonsense