Tw family stuff, dysphoria, sui ig
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Diary entry #6
My mood switched up so fast it's not even funny. Like 1 1/2 hours ago I was perfectly fine but now my grandma yelled at my sister and now I am doing awful. The funny part? I don't even 100% know what they were arguing about or even if they did argue for as long as I think they did, because I was listening to Dance Of Life by Maretu for as long as I could to avoid it.
She snapped at me too, even though it wasn't that bad it won't stop replaying in my head. She acts just like one of those bitchy high school girls, eye rolling and all and it fucking pisses me off. I should be grateful but I'm not because they (my grandpa and grandma) refuse to let me on T or- god forbid- even cut my hair. I can't even dress somewhat masculine because I look like a (d slur). Like 98% of the time they're okay to good, but those 2% moments make me wish I weren't alive.
I just want to be out of the house already. I don't know how much longer I can hold on. I can't live like this. I just can't. I don't like how I look and my body repulses me because it's not right and I can't do a damn thing about it.
I need to calm down but I don't know how.
Had to draw over this one, most real image I've ever seen in my life.
[ID: two images with the same caption, one drawn over by op with him in it replacing the original person. The caption reads "what I lack in penis size, I also lack in money and basic social skills" in both images. The original image is a GQ magazine picture with Ryan Gosling doing a pose. The new image has the trans flag in the background with op doing the same pose. /END ID]
I also would like to share something: For the past 3 years, I have worked as a Survey Research Interviewer at a local University of mine under the Public Health department, meaning I call random numbers of people to see if they want to do a health survey or not. The surveys we do are done all across the U.S., and recently, the most common survey that we do (that is under the State's health department and the CDC) added questions regarding sexual orientation and gender identity.
I just want to tell you that if you don't want to do the survey, please say something like "You're not interested," "Take me out of your list," or "Don't call me again." You can even curse us out if you wish to. Because if you just hang up on us, then we are forced to call your number again in the future (probably that same week or month). But if you say anything that I listed, then we will take your number off the list immediately.
If you do want to do the survey, don't mention anything about you being queer or trans/nonbinary. You can lie to us because we have no choice but to code the answer you've told us. I personally skip the question about sexual orientation and gender identity to protect whoever I'm interviewing because even though the survey we do claims to be anonymous, I live in a red state so I'm not taking any chances.
Please do what it takes to protect yourself these next 4 years.
Canon
i think toby fox giggles and kicks his feet whenever he writes a new divorce into one of his games
Meow
NORMALIZE loving horror movies but also NORMALIZE covering your eyes during them because you are a SCARED LITTLE FREAK
(Just watched The Fly i loved it but uh, hoo boy)
Filling the void is fun while you're doing it, but then you look at your bank account and you suffer 🙂👍
(Also the plushies I am getting soon are posted here as well, I'm having a very intense mlp hyperfixation at the moment)
[ID: three photos, one is a spongebob meme where spongebob is holding and then opening a container labeled "ol' reliable" with "*in cases of dysphoria" added. Inside is text saying "buying plushies I don't need to fill the void and to forget the body i live in for a second". The next two pictures are a derpy hooves/muffins/bubbles plushie and Princess Luna plushie respectively. /END ID]
I AM SCREAMING HOLY SHIT TOMODACHI LIFE WAS MY SHIT WHEN I WAS A KID!!!
Diary entry #4
I had a terrible day at work. My vacuum was broken (I'm a houseman at a hotel) but nobody is allowing me to get a new one or switch out the cord or whatever. It's a cord style where you can switch it out and all I need is a new cord and it fucking frustrated me to no end. I'm just gonna buy myself a new cord because I'm not arguing for my ability to get my job done.
Also fun fact about the "houseman" role. It's basically cleaning hotels in the areas where people don't sleep, everywhere besides the rooms. But anyways I said to a random guy on the elevator that I was a houseman and he said I looked more like a housewoman to him (OOF) but something about different identities and stuff. It made me freeze up. If my work counselor wasn't right there I may have said something about, hey, you were right the first time! But my work counselor was there so he'd probably snitch to my (grand)parents, I didn't chance it.
I want to tell people that I'm a guy actually but I'm so afraid of being caught. Can't wait till I get tf out of here (my grandparents house)
a peppino to make me (and you) feel better
19 Trans FTM and pansexualSpecial Interests: Pizza Tower, FNAF, DHMIS, Vocaloid/UTAUloid/Maidloid, trans issues/rights, Mario, PvZ, Spooky Month, and many more!Hope you like my page lol
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