IM LOSING MY GODDAMN SHIT LOKI WAS D.B. COOPER?????

Little headcanons I have for the Nordics: Sweden addition

He can’t stand bitter things. He has a huge sweet tooth and uses up most of the family’s sugar and creamer for his coffee. Unless he needs to wake up, most of the time he just drinks hot chocolate anyway. At this point, Iceland won’t drink hot chocolate unless Sweden makes it from scratch. It’s godly. Aside from that, he’s a great baker. He often makes cinnamon rolls in the morning before the rest of the house wakes up.

Cat finds a new friend 

(via)

the day that the lotus hotel episode of the percy jackson series airs gay people online will become more annoying than ever before. people zooming in on grainy images of extras. people screaming when they see someone with dark hair. the specter of nico di angelo shall be upon us

people don't talk enough about how fucking funny it is that bruce can sub in his kids as batman when he's too busy. like can you imagine it from the league's perspective? imagine you have this really mysterious, geniusly scary guy that you know next to nothing about, never cracks a smile and yet always comes out on top, and one day he shows up to a league meeting and there's just something... off. about him.

you can't pin it down because he's literally acting exactly the same as usual and there's no reason to think there's anything wrong, but maybe he shifted in his seat one to many times, or he looked just a tad bit too bored during green lantern's case review, but something's just... odd. so you quietly ask superman after the meeting if anything's up with the bat bcs you know those two are closer and also clark can hear heartbeats so if something's wrong surely he'll pick it up? and without hesitation he leans over to you and mumbles 'yeah batman was busy, that's his 17 yr old son. he's a crime lord and kills people sometimes though so we're not allowed to let him into the weapons department.' and then walks away like it's normal.

like the whiplash the league must go through every time they realise that no, this is not their fearless dark and brooding leader, this is in fact one of his dipshit kids being forced to sub in bcs the real batman broke an ankle, is incredible.

wonder woman: so that's my proposed plan, what are your thoughts batman?

batman: hn. i think that- *voice raising two octaves* oh shit hold on my phones buzzing

the league:

batman, answering the phone and immediately dropping the Bat Posture™: what do you mean- aw come on little wing that's not fair! but- no, NO DON'T YOU DARE TELL ALFRED I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU- IM SORRY OK I'LL BUY YOU MORE- *catches sight of the league watching him, baffled* *stiffens* ok listen i promise to replace them but i gotta go, please show me mercy iloveyoubye *hangs up*

the league:

batman:

batman: *coughs awkwardly*

superman: *sighs*

batman, to superman: ...red hood found out i ate his chocolate pretzels-

superman, shaking his head: just... just stop.

the flash: so this isn't batman either, is it?

wonder woman: if this one's also a criminal im losing my mind.

superman, tiredly: no no, this one isn't a criminal. this one's actually a cop.

batman: *sinks down in his seat* b's gonna kill me

green lantern, mystified: where does he keep GETTING you all from!?

'batman' dick, who made a pact with jason to Always Fuck With Bruce Whenever The Opportunity Arises: batman is a whore.

they think they've finally sussed out all 2 of batman's kids and then one day during a meeting 'batman' ends up on a 30 minute rant about different hacking methods this tech villain could be using that results in him half way through a sentence breaking off to say '-oh uncle clark could you pass me that pen- thanks, anyway so-' and then five minutes after that when the league have all been exchanging incredulous looks he finally freezes and is like. SHIT.

wonder woman: you're different from the other two, aren't you?

batman: maybe i am maybe i'm not, you can't prove it.

wonder woman:

green lantern: so like, are you new or have you just managed to avoid sub duty up until now?

superman, coughing: actually, this is this ones ninth occasion of replacing batman. you've just never realised before.

the league:

batman: yeah actually the other two are kinda mad i lasted longer than them...

the flash: how the fuck does he keep getting kids with the exact same build as him!??!?

'batman' tim, spent 20 minutes padding the suit out so he would look the part, still mad that bruce keeps palming WE work off on him: oh he forces us to take steroids for it.

the league, concerned:

superman, pinching the bridge of his nose: now come on red robin-

batman, fully tearing up and looking distraught: PLEASE uncle clark, it HURTS, you can't keep COVERING FOR HIM!

superman, frantically to the league: this one lies.

bonus

the league, squinting at batman:

the league: ...

superman: *head in his hands, too disappointed to do anything*

the league: *silently exchanging looks, wondering if anybody's brave enough to say anything*

duke as batman, fully aware this is fucking stupid but jason and tim fell on the floor laughing when dick came up with the idea and frankly, he wanted to see if anybody would have to guts to call him out: so, are we all ready to start the meeting?

Nothing but respect for the hottest Star Wars couple:

They wear capes, they started the rebellion, they raised Princess Leia, what more could you want

The Season's Upon Us

warnings: swearing, christmas

Jason pulled up to the manor grounds, a pit of dread sinking into his stomach. He licked his lips, feeling his unease starting to radiate off of him. It would be fine. Hopefully. Maybe. He coasted his bike to under one of the old Sycamore trees that often lined old estates, turning it off and swinging his leg over the side of the steel beast. He rummaged around his attached trunket, piling the gifts he got everyone high. Some were in his backpack (a fact that Jason knew he was going to get admonished for by a certain British gentleman) but the majority he had stuffed into his trunk.

He took a deep breath, cursing that not even the high of seeing his friends company wasn't enough to stave off his anxious tendencies as he start his death march to the front door. Dick's fucking Subaru was already parked out front and that somehow managed to loosen the tension in his shoulders the tiniest bit. He knew he would be more relaxed when Alfred would greet him at the front door. He didn't see Steph's Beetle yet, which wasn't that surprising. She and Tim where always late even when they were dating.

He hesitantly knocked on the door, which was ridiculous, he had lived here. Jason shook his head, trying to wipe the scowl off his features when he heard Alfred's light footsteps approaching. Suddenly, his anxiety dissipated.

Alfred greeted him with a warm expression, his tone leaking as much enthusiasm as his Britishness would allow (which wasn't any, really, but Jason could read between the lines), "Master Jason. What a pleasant surprise."

He really couldn't have helped the shy, almost bashful smile that tugged on the corners of his mouth. Jason quickly put the presents he was holding down taking a step forward and wrapped his arms around Alfred. Pulling him in for a fierce hug, mumbling, "It's good to see you too, Alfie."

Alfred happily returned the hug, a smile finally making its way onto his face. He seemed content to let the man that was basically his grandson hug him for as long as Jason wanted. He gave the man one last squeeze before Jason finally released him, taking a step back.

"Master Richard is in the family sitting room with Master Damian, I'm sure they'll be happy to see you." Alfred informed, subtly corralling Jason deeper into the house. Jason had to smirk at Alfred knowing he would bolt the second he got the chance. He grunted at the implication that Damian would be happy to see him, but Alfred primly interrupted him, "And Master Timothy and Miss Brown have yet to make an appearance."

"Is that an ire of disdain I hear in your voice, Alfred?"

"I certainly have no idea what you're talking about, Master Jason."

He snickered, following Alfred down the main hallway to the belly of the house. He could feel his palms sweating under the already slick wrapping paper of the gifts he was carrying, nervousness shook his voice despite his annoyance, "And Bruce?"

"He's in his study, lad."

He nodded, swiftly ignoring the raised eyebrow he was getting.

"Miss Cain and Master Duke unfortunately won't be joining us this evening."

Jason shot him a confused look, once again ignoring the butler's dry tone in favor of trying to piece together why they wouldn't be there. Alfred quickly elaborated, "They have a school trip to Paris this week, they won't be back until January I'm afraid."

"Damian didn't go?" Jason asked, still not quite understanding all of the other moving parts in this. The Brit shook his head, "It wasn't open to his year, I believe."

"Oh." Jason felt his eyebrows come together as they stopped in the kitchen. The smell of Christmas breakfast overwhelming his senses as he tried to thought. He wanted to comment, but decisively stated, "That sucks."

Alfred scoffed, going to reduce the heat on what Jason assumed was breakfast sausage and oh lord help them if Damian found out how much breakfast meat was being consumed before they're outrageous Christmas dinner. A cutting remark came from Alfred, "It's not like Master Bruce can't afford to take them to Paris whenever they wish."

Ah. That was the issue.

He smiled, "That's true, I guess."

Alfred scoffed again, going to dump the remaining water in the pan out while simultaneously shooing Jason out of the kitchen with a stern, "Enough stalling."

Jason rolled his eyes, allowing a fond, "'Bye Alf" to slip out while he turned on his heel in direction of the tree to first deposit his presents. Then, he took a deep breath to collect himself before turning into the living room. True to Alfred's word, there were two figures watching what looked to be The Grinch. Jason quirked an eyebrow at the movie choice, debating whether or not he could slip away unnoticed into the library. He shrugged, it was worth a shot.

"Jason!"

"Todd."

Shit.

"Dick, Dami," He replied, changing his course so he could vault over the back of the couch and land neatly in between both of them.

"When did you get here?" Dick asked, pausing the movie so they could talk. Jason mentally rolled his eyes at that, it wasn't like they had seen each other three days before or anything.

"Couple minutes ago," He shrugged, burying his back deeper into the cushions of the couch before adding, "Roy and Kori swing by this morning before they left?"

Dick flashed him a real, genuine smile. His brother was absolutely beaming. His dimples were out and everything. He replied easily, "Yeah! It was really good to see them."

Jason felt his own small smile worm onto his face, which broadened even more at Damian's scowl at Dick's overt delight. Jason nodded, letting the smile fade but not quite disappear, "Good."

He saw Damian roll his eyes out of the corner of his own, coming very close to what looked to be a pout--but that couldn't be right-- while he broke in, "How is the kitten fairing?"

Jason snickered. It hadn't taken long at all to get to what Damian was apparently worried about.

"Good." Jason repeated. He was so tempted to not elaborate any further but he knew Dick would likely scold him. "He--"

"--Wait? You have a kitten? When did you get a cat?"

Jason looked sideways at Damian, his brows furrowed once again, "Damian didn't tell you?"

"No?" God, Dick sounded completely bewildered, his eyes narrowed from their wide stare before as he threw a Look at both of them. Jason really didn't know why this was such a big deal. It was just a kitten after all. "I thought you wanted a dog?" Dick questioned again, shifting so he was leaning closer to the both of them. It took all of his will not to flinch back at the action. He knew Dick wouldn't do anything, but it still freaked him out.

"I do." Jason responded, quickly rushing on, "But Damian found it in the alley right next to my apartment and I couldn't really say no."

Damian snorted beside him, "I didn't offer. You took him."

Jason shot the punk a glare, like they didn't all know Damian's sanction. He couldn't bring anything else with a heartbeat home to the manor. They already had a small zoo and while Damian was competent and passionate about taking care of all of his animals, it still got to be overwhelming at a certain point. Dick was apparently amused by their bickering, if his smirk was anything to go off of.

Jason was about to snark something else before the youngest broke in again, disdain coloring his tone, "Did you at least name him yet?"

"Yes." Jason retorted with maybe more venom than he was originally intended.

"I trust it is an adequate name?"

"I think I'm going to name him Bartholomew."

Damian scoffed while Dick outright cackled. Jason felt his shoulders hunched, crawling up to his ears. He knew when he was being harassed and it wasn't like Dick had a fucking inch to talk. His days with Robin were riddled with terrible, terrible puns. He managed to bite out a clean, "Theo for short."

"Who's Theo?" Jason groaned, throwing his head back as he closed his eyes. Great. Now there were three of them. He could tell by the tone of his voice that Dick was wearing a shit-eating grin, thoroughly enjoying the torment, "Jay's new kitten."

There was a dip next to him and if the lavender perfume was any indication, he'd guess it was Steph. She was either joining the war on his side, or, and this was much more likely, she was going to join his brothers. He opened his eyes, rolling his head to the side, looking her in the eye. She was already munching on one of his pain au chocolats.

"Those are for later," He grumbled, shifting so he was sitting up.

"You got a kitten?" She said through a mouthful of pastry. He sighed again.

Dick thankfully caught her up to speed and Tim was at least sharp enough to fill in the blanks when he walked in halfway through the explanation. He was also munching on something that looked suspiciously like Jason's signature sugar cookies. It took all he had not to sigh through his nose. This went on for some time before Alfred called them all to the foyer.

Jason felt his limbs start to fill with lead the closer he got to the foyer. Cringing, knowing that Bruce would be there. He knew it was weird that he hadn't see Bruce yet and a sinking suspicion told him that there was a reason for that. It made him feel even worse, that Bruce was being considerate. It was so much easier to stay angry at him, or at the very least indifferent when he was being a total prick. He cracked his neck, running threw his breathing exercises just before stepping over the threshold.

Bruce was waiting with a cup of coffee in one of his wing back chairs, his eyes twinkling and a less-rough expression settled on his features. Jason wasn't going to go as far to describe it as gentle. It was gentle in the way that sandpaper smoothed wood. His face did visibly soften when he saw Jason and he swallowed thickly. Not sure what to make of this or what to do with himself. God, they were all bad with emotions, but Jason and Bruce were among the worst.

Jason took the sofa with Steph and Dick, Tim settled on the floor in front of them while Damian took up residence next to his father. Alfred had already distributed the gifts and there was a tea tray settled on the coffee table in front of them. He reached forward, opting for the teapot full of hot chocolate in a futile attempt to stall.

Dick was already ripping open his presents while Tim and Damian were showing some more restraint. Steph just looked gleefully onward, hands wrapped around her favorite mug as she watched everyone erupt into livelihood and merriment. Jason felt his leg start to shake as a wave of anxiety washed over him. He swallowed, hard, feeling beads of sweat form at his hairline. He was jittery and he could feel his expression sour. Jason was so fed up with the response that Bruce elicited in him, hating how he could feel the dread pool in his stomach and his chest tighten the same way it did with Willis.

He cursed himself, hearing the absent chatter of the others fade out as he closed his eyes, focusing on his breathing technique as subtly as he could. Steph, Dick and Alfred were all there, so if Bruce tried to pull something (which Jason highly doubted, but his brain refused to fully believe that) they would absolutely kick his ass. The thought calmed Jason the slightest. He felt his shoulders slacken and the tightness in his chest slowly loosen.

He opened his eyes, taking a sip of his drink, watching as Dick torn into his Titans' wrapping paper, revealing the gorgeous lamé gold and the maroon red of the Flying Grayson's poster Jason had picked up in Paris. In an instant, robin's egg blue eyes met his, the most overwhelmed expression painted on his older brother's face. Their silhouettes' were solid gold, matching the lettering as they flew through the air. Jason swallowed thickly, trying to regain some control of his emotions. Tucked away, in one of the corners were Haly's circus tickets (not that Dick had ever needed them to be able to visit), in case he wanted to go (as a sort of rite of passage, Jason often thought) with the youngest of the Wayne clan who hadn't yet gone.

He could also go by himself, if he wanted.

Dick let out a strangled, "Thank you, Jay," while hugging the poster to his chest, his chin tucked over the top of it, much like how one would hug a child. Jason managed a small smile as he whispered, "Of course."

Tim's wasn't nearly as emotional. It hadn't really been planned that way, but from the wicked smile curving his lips, Jason could tell he was still wildly happy with the Red Robin skateboard he had gotten. Jason had gotten it custom ordered for the little bird, with the custom wheels Tim had been raving over for his electric board. There was also a bag of Turkish coffee tucked under the younger boy's elbow. He turned around, smile bright as he chirped, "Thanks Jay!"

He nodded, a smile barely visible over the lip of his mug. Steph looped an arm around his shoulders, tugging him into a hug as she opened her present. He mumbled, "I heard it was a superstition that you couldn't buy your own deck, so I hope the purple suffices."

"It's perfect, Jay, thank you," She said, turning the tarot cards around in her hands, examining the artwork and gently tapping her fingernails against the glossy exterior of the cardstock. He had also gotten her a pair of satin Versace heels at Kori's suggestion. She had said it would be cute for her to match with Cass the next gala they both attended. He had delivered those to her apartment, though. He could only take so much emotion before he started to short circuit. And he knew that Steph was uncomfortable about overt displays of wealth, so he figured it would be better if she could open them in her own time. Away from Damian, Bruce and Tim.

He watched as Damian popped open the antique box that held his present, his face didn't exactly light up but Jason figured the kid was trying to save face. The youngest bird had a reputation to uphold after all. He didn't look completely disgusted, which Jason was going to take as a win. He watched as Damian picked up one of the blades, admiring the ivory handles as well as the gold work that danced across the sheath. Bruce sent him a scowl and Jason shrugged as the younger boy pulled the blade out, examining the gold work on the blade that matched the pattern on the sheath. If Jason squinted, he could see a small smile on the younger Wayne's face.

Bruce's glare deepened. Probably thinking that Damian would use them as another weapon to assault various members of the household. They were are ornamental as they were deadly and Jason knew Damian would appreciate the art that went into producing such a beautiful blade, keeping it for aesthetic and historical purposes instead.

Jason knew, like Alfred, that Bruce wouldn't open his presents until he was in private. Unlike Alfred, who's aversion came from the debilitating need to uphold most of the rules of polite to society, instead it came from what Jason assumed was a complicated relationship with emotions.

Bruce always appreciated things with sentiment, which was always evident by the gifts that he gave to his children but also by the amount of touchstones Bruce kept in the cave. He wouldn't say that either of his gifts were sentimental or practical but he was hesitantly confident. Jason had also gotten him a gag gift, one of those novelty mugs he had picked up from Gotham’s tourist shops that read in big white letter ‘WORLD’S OKAYEST FATHER’. He had slapped on a Batman sticker for good measure. He was going to admonished for the Batman sticker, but who’s to say completely and totally normal civilian Bruce Wayne doesn’t have a favorite superhero? And that superhero just so happens to be Gotham city’s own? He had also gotten B a first edition printing of Journey to the West. It had cost a small fortune, but he knew the man would appreciate it.

Jason knew that the old butler had his eyes on a lovely cashmere sweater. He knew that the only reason that Alfred didn’t already have the thing was because he hadn’t mentioned it to Bruce. Jason was going to get it, of course. Alfred, like Kori, deserved nice things. He also knew that Alfie preferred Scottish cashmere to Mongolian, since it was so close to home. The butler was a little biased in that regard, but not much else. Jason knew Alfred wouldn’t allow him to give him a present, so he would have to sneak the sweater and his tea under the Brit’s own tree in Alfred’s apartment in the manor. Jason may have also slipped a pair of tickets to see a Gotham theater trope preform Macbeth in the new year. Just for good measure.

Jason set his mug on the coffee table, getting up to drop his two presents for Duke and Cass under the tree until they came back from their globetrotting. Of course, the tree happened to be right where Bruce was sitting and he was trying his best to ignore him, but Jason could never truly get what he wanted. Especially not on Christmas.

Bruce reached out to touch his arm, gentle as always, but it still scared the shit out of Jason. He didn't jump, but he stilled under his touch, waiting for the older man to talk.

It started out light, "Damian mentioned you rescued a kitten?"

He nodded, licking his lips, his mouth going Sahara desert dry. He sounded startled even to his own ears, "Yeah. I think I'm going to name him Bartholomew."

Bruce raised his eyebrow, removing his hand from Jason's bicep, slowly stating but obviously trying, "That's... very religious. For you."

"Theo for short." He responded, just as awkwardly.

"I see." Bruce paused, his eyebrows coming together, somehow the action accentuating the crows feet starting to form at the corners of his eyes, making the dent of a wrinkle in the center of his forehead even more prominent, "Not Bart?"

Jason snorted, "Like I'm going to name my cat after one of Tim's teammates."

"You always wanted a dog, I thought?"

Goddammit. This conversation was déjà vu. Jason willed himself to be patient, keeping the tone of his voice softer than he felt, "Yeah. I still do, but I couldn't really say no to the kitten."

"I see."

Jason nodded, crouching so he could slide the presents under the tree before standing up abruptly.

"It's good to see you," Bruce mumbled and Jason looked at him in shock. He could not keep doing this to him. He wanted to sigh through his nose, but the soft look that Bruce was giving him, almost pleading? Made his heart stutter as he fault to keep control of himself. He didn't say anything, just nodding jerkily before turning on his heel and going to slip Alfred's presents in the man's apartment. Definitely not also taking the out to go collect himself, no sir. Jason could play denial with just about anyone and win.

He re-emerged some time later, rejoining the festivities. He opened his own presents and ate a healthy sized breakfast before he made his awkward departure. A small, understanding smile from Bruce, a raised eyebrow from Alfred accompanied by a small frown, a hug from each of the rest aside from Damian, who offered up a sniff and a rather stiff goodbye.

He retreated to his bike with a cache of presents. An insanely expensive knife set from Alfred, expensive skin care from Steph, two Syrian crafted silver daggers from Damian (and tickets to see Titus Andronicus preformed), a suspiciously nice civilian watch that was no doubt also functional for a certain vigilante lifestyle from Tim, a rare collection of all of Shakespeare's published works that was leather bound along with a more contemporary book of poetry he had asked for from Bruce and a notebook full of collected recipes Dick had handwritten in painstaking detail (both interplanetary and intergalactic) that he thought Jason would like.

He collapsed onto his bike, stretching out for a few seconds and just staring off into the manor grounds. His heart was going a mile a minute, thrumming against the cage of his ribs feeling like it was on the verge of exploding. He felt the breeze pass through his curls, helping to calm him down the slightest bit. He shifted, heading back into the city.

He had managed to push aside most of the emotions causing him turmoil by the time he reached his apartment, boots heavy on the worn stairs. He was opting to bask in the thoughtfulness that was returned to him in his family's gifts, a small, reluctant smile tugging on his features. There was a small ding in his pocket when he reached the front door, his smile growing fonder. There was one from O that simply read, "Thank you" and a suspiciously large venus flytrap sitting on his welcome mat.

I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace

L a s t  k n o w n  l o c a t i o n s - O r d e r  6 6

Kicked out of the operating room for making a bzzt noise every time the surgeon touches the edge of the incision