We Moved On From Young Dad!art Too Fast His Sexy Ass

Nibbling on this comme une souris qui mange du fromage miam miam miam

tashi x reader - take me to church

disclaimer: i am not religious in any shape or form so this is just an outsider's interpretation pls don't cancel me, thanks to @artstennisracket for the idea!!!

let's please ignore that this took me over a month to write, thank you to all my beta readers, @tacobacoyeet @artstennisracket @diyasgarden @blastzachilles @cha11engers @asheepinfrance

word count: 3.2k, mentions of internalised homophobia based on religion!

the sound of feet stumbling to stand fills the hallowed halls of your church as your priest enters, making his way to the pulpit with an earned grace. your grandmother bows her head, nodding before he's even said a word, your mother is poised, eyes on the cross at all times as you're uncomfortably sandwiched between them.

'please...be seated' comes his booming voice, hands outstretched to you all as everyone sits, a hushed silence falling over the crowd as the priest straightens himself up in preparation.

as he opens his mouth to speak, there's the sound of the church doors banging against the wall as they swing open, followed by muttered 'sorry- so sorry- are we late? so sorry-'. heads turns to see who's interrupted the ceremony, your family's eyes narrowing as they take in the family of three trotting up the aisle and that's when you see her.

she’s pretty, almost too pretty, enough to make those thoughts you'd tried so hard to get rid of swirl around your head yet again. her converse are scuffing the floors as she trails behind her parents, her curly hair tied up in a bun but you could see the way she tugged at strands, letting them fall and rest against her shoulders, a silent rebellion. her mother ushers her and her father into a pew that's right behind yours and you fight the urge to flush red over something so normal.

your mother purses her lips in distaste, leaning over you to whisper to your grandmother, 'the duncans...i hear his father died and they inherited the house' and your grandmother nods knowingly, 'his wife apparently runs some sort of athleisure brand.' they both shudder in offense at the thought, 'new money' wasn't welcome here, certainly not people from the city either, you knew that much.

the priest is smiling, benevolent as always, 'thank you for joining us, the Lord can always make time for his followers.' everyone claps at his wisdom, nodding in unison and agreement, even a few murmurs of 'amen' among the small congregation. he picks up the bible and starts to flick through pages, searching for the sermon he intends to preach this sunday.

'blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven' he begins, voice echoing throughout the church. sermon on the mount, one you knew very well, with but you made sure to listen with rapt attention, your mother mouthing the words with the priest as your grandmother rests her head against her hands, eyes closed.

you're drinking in every word, letting the words seep into your veins and feel that familiar warmth wash over you from the Lord's teachings. until there's a soft rustle behind you and one of her curls brushes your neck and you stiffen, impure thoughts filling every crevice of your brain too quickly for you to hold them back, especially when her breath hits your ear as she murmurs 'sorry' as she scrapes her hair back into that bun. you're too stunned to speak, only offering a small shake of your head in response.

stuck in between your family members, there's not much you can do besides try and focus back on the sermon, on the feeling of the lord's words, not the feeling of her hands on your body. you felt acutely aware of her eyes boring into the back of your head and just as you had half a mind to turn around and tell her to quit bothering you, applause grew around you, choruses of 'amens' filling the pews. you hadn't been listening, she'd distracted you.

your grandmother ushers you to stand and the walk up to the priest begins. 'wonderful sermon as always father' says your grandmother, clasping the hand of the priest in both her own, 'that's very kind’ the priest nods politely but she can't ever take the hint, continuing, 'i damn near felt the Lord's hands on me hearing you speak-’ ‘you know, my daughter was so honoured that you’d suggested her as one of the christian camp counsellors this year.’ your mother’s hands dig into your shoulders as she nudges you forward, just when you thought you could escape your grandmother’s devout speeches, your mother always found a way to make it worse. the priest brightened at that, ‘oh really? that is wonderful news, i know there’s so many kids who look up to you.’ you manage a stiff smile at that, feeling someone’s sharp elbow hit you in the back, ‘hey princess’ she whispers and you cough, the priest’s brow furrowing, ‘yeah…i’d love to help out…’ you manage, trying to ignore her nudging from behind, ‘meet me at the lake tonight’ she murmurs, her breath tickling the the hairs on the back of your neck and you flush red. ‘thank you father.’ you say quickly, excusing yourself and marching towards the door, and yet not missing the condescending smile, wink and wave she gives you as her father introduces them all to the priest. 

the midday sun was unusually bright, enveloping the grassy verges in a warm glow and you could see flowers start to blossom on the trees as the three of you made your way across to your mother’s car, and you felt a warmth in your chest that you hadn’t felt for a long time, your eyes looking over in the direction of the lake and wondering what awaits you there, what that girl’s plan was. 

‘what a rude girl’ muttered your grandmother as she got in the passenger seat, leaving you in the back yet again. ‘who?’ you say as casually as you can muster, thoughts of her still swirling in your head. ‘that duncan girl, she was so fidgety, clearly uninterested in the Lord’s teachings’ huffs your grandmother, as if someone’s disinterest in church was of personal offense to her. ‘i thought she seemed nice’ you shrug, wrong move, two heads whip around to stare at you in the backseat like you’ve just dropped a bomb. nice?!’ your mother repeated incredulously, ‘she couldn’t even be bothered to put on her sunday best! i’m sure her parents can afford something other than that raggedy hoodie of hers.’ your mother gripped the steering wheel tightly as she starts to drive home, shaking her head. ‘...right’ you say quietly, not wanting to argue about this any further, looking down at your hands that fiddle with the hem of your white dress, the one your grandmother spends all of Saturday meticulously ironing and steaming so it’s perfect for church. 

as the grey sedan pulled into the driveway, you got out and meekly followed your family into your modest home. the conversation between them had moved on, complaining about some meal served by your neighbours last sunday. however, within seconds of the key turning in the lock, you’re taking the creaky, wooden steps two at a time to your bedroom, barely hearing your mother’s cries of, ‘i left the camp flyers on your desk! it’s important!’. 

opening your wardrobe, purity stares back at you, long skirts and white garments and for the first time in your life, you feel oddly disgusted by it all. reaching for the shortest skirt and tightest top you own, forcing all thoughts of sin out of your head. you liked this outfit, you repeated like a mantra, you weren’t doing this for her, so she’d think you were cool or something, you liked this outfit. it was only when you were looking at yourself in the mirror that you noticed it. you’d been wearing the silver band so long it almost felt like a second skin, a permanent reminder of your beliefs. clouded by thoughts of her, you’re tugging the purity ring off your finger and tossing onto your crisp sheets, wincing as you notice the red mark left behind, a physical representation of your blasphemy. you took a deep breath as you cracked your window frame open, trying to ignore the cross hung on your bedroom wall, muttering ‘our heavenly father…’ under your breath as you hit the grassy ground. 

dusting yourself off, sun still blazing, you start to trek over to the lake, traipsing through the undergrowth to avoid being spotted. you can’t bear to be the next topic of gossip at church, the disapproving looks and clucks of dismissal, the shame of it all would be too much to bear. eventually, the trees part and the lake comes into view, twinkling in the sunlight. you look around, trying and failing to spot her nonchalantly, your gaze turning desperate. the sound of water hitting the grassy bank draws your attention to the lake, and that’s when you finally spot her, a mix of relief and dread sending a shiver up your spine. 

her curls are dripping with water, oversized band t shirt clinging to her body in a way that makes your greeting get stuck in your throat. ‘you actually showed’ she said with a grin, breathless from her swimming. ‘you’re crazy’ is all you can manage, ‘that lake is…’ you wrinkle your nose. ‘gross? disgusting? infected’ she supplies playfully, shaking herself off like a dog and you squeak, jumping back in fear, ‘god you really are a princess’ she laughs. you frown, ‘i am not! and you shouldn’t use the lord’s name in vain-’. her laugh only grows at your comment, ‘oh my- you’re serious?’. ‘stop it’ you frown further, stood like a pouting child. she catches sight of your expression and steels herself, ‘okay’ she holds up her hands in defense, ‘i’m sorry- i’ll stop’. 

she pulls her tshirt off and tosses it to the ground, only left in a bra and shorts and you mutter prayers for repentance under your breath as you fight not to stare at her chest. she flops down onto the grassy bank, her hand coming up to shield her eyes from the sun, ‘are you too much of a princess to sit down too?’ she challenges. you shoot her a look before flopping down beside her, watching the clouds pass across the bright blue sky. ‘i’m tashi by the way, and i am sorry for teasing you’ she says, looking over at you with earnest brown eyes. ‘tashi’ you repeat softly, letting her name roll off your tongue, it felt nice to say. you introduce yourself and she smiles, a toothy grin that catches you off guard at how real it is, how real she is. 

‘so, how long have you been a churchgoer?’ the question is serious but there’s a playful glint in her eye. ‘all my life’ you answer honestly, ‘i was christened…i did sunday school…i’ve done it all’. tashi stares at you, eyes narrowed as if you’re a code she’s trying to crack, ‘wow’ is all she replies with. ‘wow?!’ you say incredulously, surprised at her lack of teasing, ‘what do you want me to say?’ she retorts, ‘i don’t know! i thought you’d poke fun or something’ ‘do you want me to?’ tashi’s smirk grows on her face again, ‘no’ you sigh and her smirk only grows further, ‘thought so. look, i think it’s a load of bullshit-’ you let out an indignant squeak at the swear word and her brown eyes twinkle with mirth at your reaction, ‘but my mother thinks we should do it so we look good or whatever’ her forehead crinkles in disagreement. ‘look good?’ you pry, perplexed. ‘you know…new to town, fit in with the community, act all pious’. ‘oh…so you’re not? at all?’ you murmur astonished, you were used to the kids your age rebelling against their parents and turning on religion, but to show up to church with no belief at all was strange. tashi scoffs, ‘no- no way, my grandfather was but he never made my dad go with him so it never got passed onto me.’ you nod along, musing on the idea for a minute or so. tashi shuffles closer to you, her side pressing into your own and making your skin tingle at the contact. 

‘penny for your thoughts?’ she nudges her shoulder against yours, expression playful. ‘nothing.’ you shrug, not willing to share how your thoughts had turned from worship to worshipping her in the bedroom, ‘what’s the big secret, huh?’ tashi teases, but there’s a new flirtatious edge to it and still no response from you. you blink and she’s on top of you, damp curls hanging down and dripping onto you. ‘tashi- stop!’ you gasp in surprise and she’s grinning again, ‘c’mon…answer the question’ and before you can speak, she’s leaning in close, her plump lips nearly brushing yours. 

‘tashi! i’m not-!’ you shriek rapidly in panic and her eyes widen, pulling back and getting off you immediately. she doesn’t say anything for a while before, ‘you’re not?’. her voice is quiet, near timid, so different to the cocky girl you’d seen. ‘no! i’m not- i- it’s a sin!’ you splutter in protest, trying to convince yourself more than her as you sit up, grass tickling your legs. ‘a sin…right’ her hollow laugh makes your heart ache, she won’t even look at you. you stand up, stomach churning, ‘i should go- this was a mistake- i shouldn’t have come-’ but she stands too, her damp brown eyes boring into yours, searching for an answer, ‘why did you come?’. the words hang in the air, both of you locked in eye contact as your mind scrambles for an excuse, coming up with nothing. 

you step towards her, ‘tashi…’ you say quietly but she’s stoic, unmoving. ‘answer the question.’ she repeats but there’s no playfulness this time, just bluntness. ‘it’s not that simple…’ you plead, stepping closer again, she’s not stepping back which you take as a positive. ‘it is, i see the way you look at me.’ tashi grits out, ‘are you gay?’. her words hit you like a punch in the throat, all the air sucked out of your lungs and suddenly you’re back in your bedroom, praying over and over again and losing sleep because a new youth pastor came and gave you a talk on peer pressure but all you could focus on was how pretty she was, how kissable her lips were. 

now it was tashi who had taken a step closer, ‘are you?’ she repeated but her voice was more gentle now, more coaxing. ‘i-’, you start but her fingers brush your chin, tilting it towards her, ‘can i?’ tashi says with an unusual amount of delicateness and you find yourself nodding. the moment her lips meet yours, the world around you falls away and all you can focus on is her, your hand moving to cup her cheek as the kiss deepens. her tongue starts to prod at your bottom lip, asking for entrance and reality comes crashing back down into view. you break the kiss, choking back tears, shaking your head. tashi’s brow furrows, ‘hey…’, she says softly, ‘i’m sick!’ you yell, ‘this is wrong- it’s- i was born sick- i shouldn’t want this- i shouldn’t want…you.’ you pant, staring at her with tears rolling down your cheeks. stunned, tashi slowly wipes your eyes, ‘listen to me’ she whispers, pressing a kiss to your flushed cheek and the fight drains out of you, unable to push her away. ‘there’s nothing wrong with us’ she murmurs, kissing across your face till she reaches your lips again and this time, you fall into the feeling. 

your hands tangle in tashi’s tousled curls, her tongue colliding with your own as the kiss grows feverish. it’s broken by her kissing across your face, down towards your neck, ‘not there’ you breathe, there can be no evidence of this. tashi makes a face of reluctance at you but agrees, her hands sliding down your hips as she sinks to her knees before you, and you flush at how reverential it feels. ‘how about here?’ she purrs, her hands pushing up your skirt as her face slips between your legs, licking a long stripe along your underwear and you gasp, ‘tashi-’. her face peeks out from your thighs, ‘relax…nobody comes out here anyway’ she murmurs, before mouthing at your clothed pussy again. 

you squeak in surprise, trying to stifle how good that little stimulation feels after years of abstinence. her laugh vibrates against you and only doubles the feeling, her finger hooking into your panties and pulling them aside, her face pressed against your bare cunt and you whine. with tashi’s nose rubbing your clit, she starts to lick at your folds and you whimper, ‘wow- oh-’. tashi grows bolder, tip of her tongue penetrating you and you screech, nearly toppling over in pleasure, hands gripping her shoulders. she pushes your legs apart a little further so she can nestle between your thighs properly as she’s on her knees, her tongue pushing deeper into your hole and causing you to pant, ‘tashi- ngh-’. slowly, her tongue starts to thrust in and out of you and your moans grow louder, nails digging into her shoulders so hard you fear you’ll leave marks. 

tashi’s nose brushes your clit again as her eating grows more furious and you’re shocked by the obscene noises your soaked pussy is making, ‘tashi- you are- you are temptation incarnate’ you manage breathlessly and her tongue hits your g spot, ‘but don’t stop- ah-’. she pulls away just to grin up at you teasingly, her chin soaked with your juices before diving back into you.

your legs start to shake as she moves to suck on your sensitive bud, ‘tashi- wait- i feel-’ but she doesn’t let up, slurping on your cunt like it’s her last meal, ‘please- something- ngh- feels weird-’, you whimper, legs shaking violently, head thrown back in lust. suddenly, it was like a dam burst and you’re gasping for air as you’re lost in the throes of pleasure, ‘holy shit- tashi-’ you moan throatily, blinking rapidly as you try to come back to the world of the living. tashi’s lapping it up, still sucking on your oversensitive pussy, making sure to drain every last drop from you, before she’s unhooking your panties, letting the fabric cling to your soaked cunt.

she looks up at you with a devilish smirk on her face, ‘did you just swear? and use the lord’s name in vain?’ she laughs and you pout, ‘shut up!’ you push her shoulder and she falls down onto the grass dramatically, but not before pulling you down on top of her, ‘i don’t know what that was…it was like i lost my mind for a second…’ you murmur, reliving the moment of bliss in your mind over and over. ‘you had an orgasm baby’ tashi says bluntly, finding your reaction amusing, ‘i did?! woah’ comes your shocked reply, ‘i know, i’m just that good’ she smirks, and you can taste yourself when she presses her lips to yours for a hungry kiss. ‘thank you’ you murmur against her lips and she offers you a smug smile, though secretly flattered, ‘you’re welcome, you know where to find me’ she purrs. you rise to stand, leaving temptation behind as you make the trek back home, legs still shaking, prayers and apologies already on your lips. 

tags: @pittsick @femme-lusts @glennussy @stanart4clearskin

if you haven't gotten sick of seeing me on your timeline, i'm not doing it right. i'm like a challengers fan fiction cold sore! i'm not sure if i like this, but then again, i say this about everything i've ever posted and still make it publically available. i hope it's cute and just yearny (??) enough because what is a challengers fan if not a yearner? i will probably post something again in the next 24 hours maybe less so.. who's ready for a patrick fic? patfic. woah... hope you enjoy and feel free to leave tips and critiques as per usual<3

Societal conventions of platonic relationships are boring, and that’s why you all rejected them. I mean, sure, every time you said that you weren’t dating one of them the response was always “You know you can tell me anything, right?” but seriously! You’re all just very good friends. Best friends, more accurately. So, yes, you helped each other out. That’s what friends are for. Patrick needs a fake girlfriend for one of his parents’ parties? You and Tashi are on it. Art wants a date to some tennis gala? You’re all jumping at the chance. It’s not like it’s hard to fake something like that, because you’re all close already. A kiss on the cheek and a hand on the waist are essentially nothing. You wouldn’t bat an eye if it happened outside of one of those contexts, either. So it’s fine when it does, and it doesn’t make your heart race.

It also never bothered you to admit that they were incredibly beautiful people, because that’s just a conclusion that you can draw by having eyes. Even without your little set up, you’d certainly feel that way. So Tashi’s birthday party, which she’d dragged you all to some club you can’t legally be in for, was fine. It was fine that Tashi was dancing with her arms outstretched above her head like a prayer, slightly offbeat to the timing of the song, and yet still so in place. She’s dancing like she forgot there’s always eyes admiring her, skirt swaying around her long legs, eyes closed like she’d absorb the moment if she concentrated enough. And she looked gorgeous, the way she always did. Which you’re allowed to say, because best friends always support their best friends. And sure, when she opens her eyes and waves at you from her spot on the floor you start giggling despite having had nothing to drink, but it’s because you’re happy for her. It’s extra fine that Patrick soon comes up to join her, large hands to sharp hip bones, and they start swaying like one unit, and they both look lost in one another until suddenly they’re lost in you. You don’t bristle when Art leans into your side and mumbles that someone ‘looks really good, huh?’ and you don’t quite make out if the sentence started with ‘he’ or ‘she’.

It’s fine when Tashi pulls you up to some makeshift platform of a stage for karaoke, screaming the lyrics just a bit too loudly into the microphone, and clinging onto you for dear life. There’s a second mic hanging limply to your right, but it’s been deemed unnecessary because she’d insisted on pulling you close and sharing the one in her hand. From this close, you can smell the perfume she’d chosen for the night, which you note isn’t her signature, and the faint coconut of her shampoo. You can make out two sets of smiling eyes from the same shitty table you’d claimed, nursing drinks in calloused hands that still manage soft touches. 

It’s fine when you get a little solo and you manage to squeak out a few notes, voice thick with nerves and lack of proper use, and feel the way that three people’s worlds have stopped to take in each sound before they pass. They’re committing you singing to memory, and you’re not sure what’s telling you as much, but you know it’s true. It’s fine when the song’s over and Tashi leads you back to the table with a hand on your lower back, and her fingers are so long that your mind drifts without your permission, and your steps become a bit more rigid than they’d usually be. 

It’s fine when you’re pressed between Patrick and Art in the rented limo Patrick had arranged using his parents’ money, and two different hands meet your thigh, and you can just barely feel Patrick’s pinky grazing the hem of your skirt. It’s fine when Art begins feeding you praise like it’s his life’s goal to make you drown in it, because the compliments sound sweeter in his voice, so you can take that sickening butterfly flutter in your ribcage and crush it under the stiletto point of your heel. 

It’s fine when you’re all laying on dew-dampened grass somewhere near Patrick’s apartment, staring up at the sky, and the crowns of your head are all touching, because there’s a need to not acknowledge the obvious, and a deeper need to indulge in it. There’s a voice in the wind that’s rustling Tashi’s hair and creasing Art’s shirt that’s telling you to just give in to yourself. You wonder if it’s only talking to you. It’s fine when you turn to look at Patrick to find he’s already looking at you, and he’s got the wonder in his eyes you see on people gazing into a Van Gogh. He’d take staring at you over any painting in a heartbeat, he’d tell you if you asked. 

It’s fine when you find yourself in Patrick’s bed, goosebumps littered across cold-air-kissed skin, with your back to Tashi’s chest, and she’s cradling your head like it’ll fall off if she doesn’t hold it up herself. You find yourself liking the feeling of Art’s lips scattering feather-light kisses across the inside of your thighs. You lean further back against Tashi when she starts cooing some kind of praise you’re too hazy-minded to make out, but it sounds nice with the inflections of her voice, demanding but soft. You don’t mind watching Patrick’s lips connect with Tashi’s, then with Art’s, because you can focus in on how their bodies melt and their fingers bend. You can pick up on each little click of a broken kiss, and each sigh of a newly formed one. The night’s some kind of haze of warm hands, adoring eyes, and wandering lips with glints of white teeth that you can’t quite put in place. What you can definitively say is that it felt like coming home. It felt like sleeping in your bed for the first time since you’ve been away, and it molds around your shape like you hoped it would. It feels like falling asleep with Tashi’s hair in your face and a pool of Patrick’s drool building atop your stomach and not caring. It feels like getting a kiss goodnight from Art because he’s just as naked and giddy as you are.

It’s fine to admit to yourself that you’re in love when you don’t want to be. Love apparently didn’t care that you wanted a step-by-step plan, a playbook, a set of rules to follow. Love didn’t care that you’d been planning on keeping things simple, because lack of acknowledgement means lack of potential rejection. Love didn’t care because love is like a mother, it knows what’s best for you, even if it’s less than pleasant to sit with. But love was deeply breathing against your neck and snoring a little too loudly. Love was going to wake you up at sunrise to make them all hangover cures, should they need them. Love was going to let you fall asleep and dream about it, just to wake up and realize it’s still there.

Mel strikes again and we all say thank you

Heartbreak Girl! ib: Heartbreak Girl by 5sos please listen while you read :)

pairing: stanford!art donaldson x fem reader

cw: nsfw(18+), just a lot of yearning fr

i’m right here when you gonna realize, that i’m your cure

It was the same old story. You and your on again off again boyfriend would break up and the next minute you’d call Art. He was honestly exhausted quite frankly.

You sounded like a broken record. Every time it was My heart just hurts Artie or How could he get over me so fast?, until eventually you start crying on the other end of the phone.

Art would push all of his feelings down to comfort you. Lying, saying things like I’m sure he’s not over you yet, she’s just a rebound. In reality he knew your ex didn’t respect you and it was debatable whether or not your ex ever really loved you in the first place.

He prided himself on always being able to make you feel better despite making himself feel worse. Your crying would die down enough for you to say Thanks for always being there for me, you’re such a great friend. That last word always stabs him in the heart.

But he would let you rant about your ex as much as you wanted because at his core, Art really was just a sucker for anything that you do.

It was so draining but he would never say anything to you because you were his best friend. When the two of you had met at Stanford’s freshman student athlete orientation it was like magic. You two vibed so well together and Art hadn’t connected with someone so well, so fast since Patrick. And since moving to Stanford, he had a Patrick size void to fill.

Art developed feelings for you quickly. His friendship boundaries are almost non-existent due to the nature of his only previous close friendship being with Patrick. You two hung out anytime you had free time. Your schedules always aligning since you're both student athletes.

He would constantly be invading your personal space. Whether that was cuddling during movie night or just resting his head on your shoulder or in your lap so you’d play with his hair.

You found it a little weird at first, never really having a guy best friend you were that close with physically, but the novelty wore off as time went on and you grew accustomed to it (after Patrick came to visit you realized where Art got it from).

When Art realized you had a boyfriend he was crushed. But he never let that show. He was still just as ‘supportive’ of your relationship regardless. Draining his energy, going in circles over and over again listening to you talk about the same problems in your relationship a million times over.

The next time you called, he picked up as always. You’re crying, mumbling through your tears about how you and your boyfriend ex-boyfriend have called it off for the so-called final time. You guys are done for real. All Art wants to do is scream out You can be with me now, but he bites his tongue.

It’s not the right time. As much as Art wants to tell you how he feels, it’s too soon. You’re not ready and it’s so frustrating. Your ex treats you so badly while Art treats you the way you deserve to be treated, with respect.

So he tells you what you want to hear instead. More reassurance that he’s sure your ex still loves you and it’s your ex’s loss anyway. You still feel like shit but it helps somewhat. Art always makes you feel better, so you end the call with I’ll call tomorrow at 10 after practice.

And here Art was, waiting for your call the next day, still stuck in the friend zone again and again.

A few months had passed by without any calls about your ex, so Art was hopeful that meant you were over him. He still didn’t feel like it’d ever be the right time to confess his feelings because he didn’t want to ruin your friendship.

It wasn’t until a day that Patrick came to visit Tashi but still tried to convince Art he was really here to see both of them. Sure.

“Did you ever end up asking out that girl?” Patrick questions from his place seated on Art’s dorm bed.

“Huh?” Art was confused because he never told Patrick how he felt about you.

“That girl that you always follow around like a sick puppy. It’s obvious you like her, so did you ask her out?”

Even after two years spent apart Patrick could still read him like an open book.

Art shakes his head no, “You mean Y/N? No, I feel like she just got over her ex so. And I don’t want to ruin the only real friendship I have here.”

Patrick laughs, “You’ve always been such a pussy.”

Art gets defensive because who is Patrick to tell him what he is, “Fuck off. Just cause I think before I speak and realize my actions have consequences? Maybe you could learn a thing or two.”

“All I’m saying is, tell her how you feel. No harm no foul. It’s clear you’re in love with her. Just tell her.”

You had been standing in front of Art’s dorm room for the better part of 10 minutes, eavesdropping. You were meant to be coming over around this time. You didn’t mean to eavesdrop but once you heard your name your ears perked up and pressed against the door.

Your feelings towards Art have always been complicated. Of course you liked him. He was cute and smart and always there for you. But you had been with your ex for so long, you ignored the butterflies in your stomach whenever you and Art would cuddle during movie night.

Honestly a lot of the fights you’d get into with your ex were about Art (and the endless cheating from your ex but you know, also your friendship with Art).

He didn’t like how close you guys had gotten no matter how often you reassured him you guys were just friends and nothing more. In the end it was actually you who decided to break it off. Your ex gave you an ultimatum to choose between him and Art, and you didn’t want to lose your best friend. It still hurt and you still cried to Art about it but you never told him what really happened.

Hearing his confession made your heart rate pick up and your stomach twist in knots. You lose your balance falling against Art’s door with a thud. Fuck.

Before you can soothe where you hit your forehead on the door, it swings open and you’re face to face with Patrick. Seeing Art out of the corner of your eyes sitting at his desk.

Patrick smirks before stepping past you, “Have fun,” he winks. Leaving you standing in the door frame staring at Art.

“How long were you standing there?” he asks standing up from his desk abruptly.

“Long enough,” you respond, walking over to him and crashing your lips together. You didn’t even realize what you were doing until you were doing it. Two years of pushing your feelings down to prioritize your relationship. Two years of denying the way Art made you feel when he’d look at you with those eyes. Two years of giving your all into a relationship that didn’t serve you, needing a change but not realizing it until this very moment.

He’s startled. Strangled moan leaving his lips before his hands fly to your waist, gripping hard. Like he’s scared this isn’t real, and it’s all a dream.

You pull away, pushing his shoulders down so he’s sitting back down on his desk chair. You climb into his lap while he asks, “What about your ex?”

“Over him,” you say shortly before bringing your lips back to his. You're grinding down against him, feeling him grow hard under you.

His hands are back on your waist, before moving down to grab your ass, “Fuck,” he mumbles against your lips.

Breaking the kiss again to pull your shirt off and unclip your bra. His eyes are glued to you, watching your every movement with his mouth hanging slightly open. Now with your tits in his face he couldn’t focus anymore.

You reach down, pulling his hard length out of his shorts. Spreading the pre-cum that pooled at his tip so you can start to jerk him off.

“Shit,” he gasps as you start to stroke him. He leans in to take one of your nipples into his mouth. Flicking his tongue over the sensitive bud. You moan, still grinding down against his lap while picking up the pace of your strokes and tightening your grip slightly.

“Want you inside me,” you whine, your freehand tangling in his curls to pull his mouth off you. You stand up to pull your shorts and panties off quickly before returning to your place on his lap.

He nods quickly and dumbly, like there’s not a single thought behind his eyes. Only thing on his mind is you, you, you, your tits, your ass, your pussy. Everything made him feel dizzy.

His pink tip leaks more pre cum as you guide him to your entrance. You rub it against your hole to cover him in your own juices for extra lubrication. Art almost cums from that alone. He wants to ask about condoms until he remembers you’re on the pill from the various alarms you had that would always go off at the same time everyday. When he asked you about it you explained it to him why.

You start to sink down on him, your walls closing in around his dick. Thank god you fingered yourself when you were masturbating this morning because Art was bigger than you expected. A reasonable length but the girth was a lot. You could feel yourself stretching to accommodate him, “Fuck Art, feel so full,” you moan out.

When you finally sank all the way down to the bottom, Art let out a groan, “Holy shit. You’re so beautiful. Gripping the fuck out of me, fuck.” He pulls his t-shirt up, holding it in his mouth so he can see your hole stretched, gliding up and down his cock.

You start to ride him, bouncing up and down, rocking back and forth , and occasionally grinding down, “Fuck Art, you feel really fucking good.”

He’s watching your tits bounce in his face, and the stimulation of you riding him is way too much, he’s already close. He grabs your hips and starts pounding into you with fast, hard strokes.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” your moans getting louder as he assaults your g-spot. He’s grunting, t-shirt still captured between his teeth. Abs flexing as he lets out a deep breath through his nose. He moves one hand so his thumb can swipe back and forth over your bundle of nerves. “Yes fuck, right there,” you gasp.

His hips stutter, faulting his rhythm. He holds your hips down so he’s completely inside you before spilling inside you, filling you up.

The pressure of his cock against your gspot and the stimulation from his thumb grazing over your clit push you over the edge, “I’m—coming fuck.” You finish right after him, walls spasming, squeezing every last drop out of him.

He drops his shirt from mouth, catching his breath. “A-Are you sure you’re over your ex?”

“Sheesh you couldn’t wait until you weren’t inside me anymore to ask again?” you laugh.

He blushes like you guys didn’t just have sex, “‘m sorry.”

You climb off of his lap to make your way to his bathroom so you could clean yourself up, “Yes Art. I am over him I swear.”

He nods, grabbing a rag from his drawer to clean himself off, “I don’t know, it could've been like a rebound hookup thing and I didn’t…”

“You didn’t what?” you ask, going to grab your shorts to pull on.

“Didn’t wanna get my hopes up,” he finishes, slowly and methodically.

You plop down on his bed, laying on your side, “We broke up because I didn’t want to stop being friends with you.”

Friends. That’s what he was afraid you’d say. The F word haunts his dreams, his nightmares, every second of every day that he’s in your presence. He should’ve never got his hopes up. Fuck. That’s what he gets. Stupid, stupid, stupid. How could he so stupid? Of course sex doesn’t mean anything. He shouldn’t of—

“Hey I’m not done,” you say softly, hoping to pull him out of his head. He was clearly zoned out and you knew Art could get in his head sometimes. He refocuses on you as you say “I want to be with you Art. Not just friends.”

Oh. When those words fell past your lips, it didn’t definitely didn’t feel real. The words he was praying to hear for the past two years.

And so what if he had already mentally planned out your first date? Two years is more than enough time to have planned something.

taglist: @tacobacoyeet @newrochellechallenger2019 @marimacaron @antxnxlla @hanneh69 @urmomsucksfrogs @k4mlg @ctrl-mari

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timing repost!

Big Shoes to Fill

or, lily follows in her parents' footsteps.

an: i've only ever written small portions of stories from lily's perspective, and i think this was a fun little challenge at expanding that. i feel she needs more love. thank you @tashism for choosing this story, i hope i did you justice. extra thank yous to @newrochellechallenger2019, @artstennisracket, @ghostgirl-22, @grimsonandclover, and @diyasgarden for their willingness to help me out. it is not unappreciated.

tag list: @glassmermaids

Lily’s new shoes are pink, and the white rubber toes shine when the sun hits. She had wanted the pretty ones with the rhinestones, the ones that light up when she stomped her feet, but Mommy said no. She insisted the tennis ones were so much prettier, baby. That they were ‘professional’, the kind the big girls wear. As she looks down at them now, laces tied in a haphazard tangle by small fingers on the left, and a precise, delicate bow on the right by her mother’s hand, she thinks she should’ve fought a little harder for the light-up shoes. Her skin is tacky with sunscreen and perspiration, cheeks flushed, hands just a bit too clammy to hold the racket the way she’s meant to. 

“Fix that grip, Lils!”

And then a flying yellow blur floats over the net and to her side, she stretches her little arms to reach, and hears that little tink of connection. It bounces, rolls, rolls, rolls… then stops like it’s proud of itself, right against the bottom of the net, the white line amongst the yellow fuzz beaming smug and stuffed to the brim with schadenfreude. Lily hears a sigh, the steady tap, tap, tap of a foot against the clay court, and then the half-hearted smack of hands against thighs. Mommy does this sometimes, when she’s upset at Lily. Or upset because of Lily’s playing, as Mommy insists is different. But, as far as she can tell, it’s still her fault. Mommy wouldn’t be sad if she could just figure out the tennis thing. And she just can’t. Not with all the coaching, or the miniature rackets, or the nights spent falling asleep on the couch because Mommy and Daddy are up too late watching matches to tuck her into bed. 

Mommy went inside, probably for a break, maybe a little AC, maybe to stare at old photos of herself and breathe just a little bit harder. Sometimes, she swaps Lily out with Daddy. In terms of tennis, he’s rare to disappoint the way Lily was. He racked up win after win after win, smothered in trophies and sunscreen and something blue and bruised beneath his skin, and that’s what he was known for. So, he became therapeutic, in a way. A distraction, a lover, a means of vicarious victory, and the target of misplaced frustrations. Lily sits on the grass for a bit and blows some dandelion fuzz into the breeze. She thinks about what it’d be like to be a flower.

Mommy went to bed right after dinner (Mommy and Lily had a burger and fries, Daddy just ordered a salad), complaining of a headache that just wouldn’t quit. Her lips are quirked politely, something like a smile that never quite made it all the way resting on her cheeks. Lily knows that’s a fake one. She’s learned the difference. Lily knows it’s fake because her chest isn’t burning with that warm, golden feeling. Mommy really smiles when Lily makes a good serve, or when her drawings are deemed good enough to hang on the fridge with a little U.S. Open magnet. And Lily watches her face lift and her eyes crinkle and thinks, for a second, she really is as special as her parents say she is. She doesn’t feel that now. Daddy brushes Lily’s back with his fingers when he passes behind her to put the used forks in the sinks, Mommy doesn’t like the plastic ones, and she doesn’t move. 

“What’s going on in that big brain of yours, Lilybug?”

She shrugs, huffs a little bit, doesn’t giggle when he blows a raspberry into her temple. She wants to, but she’s got to make it clear this is serious. Adults never laugh when things are important, she thinks. That’s why Daddy looks so angry during matches. He pulls back and frowns a bit, hands on his hips. She turns his way, and the visual makes her lip puff out and tremble a little. She can’t help it, really, but she just keeps upsetting people. She’s tired of making everyone so sad. 

“Do you think Mommy is mad at me?”

He does something funny then, curves in by his tummy. It looks like the fallen Jenga tower from last week’s game night. Daddy always chooses Jenga, says he’s too good to beat. Lily always beats him, and it’s the only time he looks happy to lose. She thinks that’s silly. He pulls up a chair at her side, and she doesn’t like the way the metal sounds against the wood floor. It’s easier to be sad when it’s quiet. 

“No, baby, ‘course not. Why’d she be mad at you?”

She shrugs, places a small chin in a smaller hand, stares at the granite countertop like it’s personally offended her. Like it’s staring back.

“‘Cause I’m supposed to be like you guys, and I’m not. It makes Mommy angry that I’m so super bad at tennis.”

He wants to smile, but he can’t, not when this little girl at his side is feeling things bigger than her body, than her vocabulary can provide her with a word for. Sweet girl, too, that she cares. That she just wants her mama to be happy, proud, something that isn’t going to wrack her with guilt for being herself. Still, he takes in that miniature pout, the one her mother so often wears in moments of her own frustration, and places his fingers in her hair, puffing up what had been pressed flat by a ponytail moments ago. 

“She’s not angry. She’s just… well, it’s hard. You know what happened to Mommy. You know how bad she misses it. She just wants to see you grow so, so strong, like she was. That’s all.”

Lily nods. She knows. She knows as much as she’s been told, at least. Not with words or stories, but through little tell-tale signs. Through her mother’s insistence on long skirts, or taking extra with her lotion at the bend of her knee, right where the little white line is. She got hurt. Something band-aids and boo-boo kisses couldn’t make go away. She’ll get an ice pack for Mommy next time she sees her.

“But, what if I can’t grow big and strong like she did? What if I can only do it the Lily way?”

He pauses his hand’s movement in her hair, breathes through his nose like the air was pressed out of him. He wants to say that Tashi could take it, that she’s an adult woman who’s worked through these things, because she’s supposed to have done so. She’s meant to be able to feel pride in other people’s successes, rather than hate that they’re doing what she can’t. But, Art knows the resentment. He feels it some days, when he loses a match she’d have one. When Anna Mueller wins. So, he smiles, presses his lips to the curve of her nose, watches it scrunch. 

“Then you do the Lily thing, and we watch you shine.”

She hums when she smiles, the way Daddy does sometimes when things are only a little funny, but mostly make her feel like her head is a balloon, and it’s flying away from the rest of her body.

“But she’d like me more if I did it the Mommy way, right? If I was good at tennis?”

He squeezes her shoulder with his palm, and finds that it doesn’t fit right in the cup of it. He thinks she’s grown too fast, and yet she’s still so small. And she’s too smart to lie to. He’s too dumb to know.

“I’m not sure, Lilybug.”

The answer is yes.

A few months later, Christmas lists were being made, toy catalogues searched, circled, conspicuously left by coffee machines and Daddy’s yucky green ‘First thing in the morning’ drinks. But they don’t make her all jumpy and giggly, the way a good gift should. So, when Grandma calls, her face shaking in and out of view on the screen of Mommy’s phone, and Grandma asks ‘What does our Lilybug want for Christmas?’, she replies,

“I want more tennis lessons.”

And she watches Mommy smile like she’s never smiled before, even though she tries to bend her head down into the paperwork she’s doing at the coffee table to hide it. It’s still see-able, and Lily can feel herself fill with that gold feeling again, from her toes to the top of her head. She just wants to make Mommy smile. 

She’s been staring at this assignment for hours, and for all her might, she just can’t make sense of these numbers. Stupid logarithms. Stupid math. She shuts her laptop, watches her face turn a glowing white to a healthy gold in her vanity’s mirror. She’ll do it tonight, probably. Or in the morning, before early practice. She hopes her eyes are functional enough to write real, understandable symbols at two in the morning. She hopes she gets enough sleep to even wake up in time. She knows she can help it, but she still feels her stomach sink at the sight of a big, red ‘F’ on a page. She’s glad she does well enough in tests to make up for it, or her spot on the National Honor Society would be someone else’s, and, most importantly, Mom and Dad would flip their shit. 

She flips her phone over where it laid next to her laptop, the screen flashing a text from Amy.

“Sorry babe can’t do tonight i’ve got dance and sth with andrew at like 7 :((( tm tho?”

Dance. It’s always dance. She remembers watching those clips of Amy on her Instagram story like they were miniature blockbusters, watching the way the fabric of her skirt moved when she bent her leg a certain way. How her arms flowed like waves, even if they were made up of jagged bone. Fucking dance. It’s not even a real sport, and Amy breathes it more than air. 

“That’s alright :)) tomorrow then”

She pushes herself out of the spinning chair, pockets her phone and snags her earbuds from off the foot of her bed. Ignores the way her knees pop a bit. She’s been sitting for a while. Besides, she could use the practice.

“Where you going, Lils?”

Her mother calls from the kitchen, not looking up from some ad mock-up. Looks like another Aston Martin thing, if she can read it properly from where she is.

“Practice.”

She calls over her shoulder, stuffing one earbud in. She sees her mother nod, hide a smile behind the palm of her hand. Rare Tashi Donaldson, nee Duncan, approval. Her shoulders roll back, and her spine straightens just a little bit before she makes it through the sliding glass door. 

She came back inside at 11 pm. Four missed calls from Amy and a ‘Hey plans got canceled you still free???’ lighting up her lockscreen, blocking out the tennis ball in the photo of a little her, fairy wings, missing front teeth, and a racket half the size of her current one. Maybe she should change it to her with friends. 

She walks past the empty dinner table, bowl of something still steaming and waiting for her at her usual spot in the corner, dropping with a haphazard flop onto the couch, clicking the TV on.

“So, pick me, choose me-”

“Fifteen found dead in Oakland, Cali-”

“And little Ms. Duncan, daughter of famed tennis couple Art Donaldson and the former Tashi Duncan has had a great season so far. So far, undefeated, and with just a few weeks before the Junior Opens, she really has a shot at the win. Thoughts?”

She sits up a little, watches pictures of her flash, half-way through a grunt, braid whipping behind her. There had to have been a better photo of her.

“Well, Rog, I’d just like to see a little more out of her. I mean, what with her mother being what she was, it’s just a shame to see it look so much more aver-”

The TV is off with a click. She shuts her eyes, rubs at her temples, lightly raps her knuckles against her head like it’d knock out the sound. She thinks they’re wrong. She hates that they’re right. She wishes it was more natural. Everyone knew her mother was dead in a living body till she stepped on that court, and it all clicked into raw, animalistic passion. With Lily? Procedure. She didn’t feel adrenaline, or a spark, or anything but duty. Steps. Tired. She falls asleep in the fetal position, alarm unset. She only has enough time to step out the door before early morning practice when she’s up. 

Her opponent’s get a birth mark on her right shoulder the shape of a ballet slipper. It’s just a little darker than the rest of her skin, only visible when she served. Her mother is sat on the stands behind this girl, hands braced on the rails like she’s ready to pull herself over and onto the warm clay ground beneath her if things go south. But, for now, the score’s even, like it has been the whole match, and that wedding ring is glinting in the light. She’s not even the court and she’s controlling it, back straight and face stony like an emperor watching two gladiators in the colosseum. She just hopes she’s not the one ending with her head detached. 

She can’t see Dad, thinks he’s probably gone to get a hot dog, now that he can eat them again, or maybe he’s just too non-threatening to matter to her right now. But, vaguely, she thinks she remembers hearing a ‘That’s my girl’ in that stupid, slightly nasally voice she pretends to hate as much as she can. You’re not supposed to like your parents at her age. Her mother is staring, she can tell. Those sunglasses don’t hide a thing. She can read her mother better than that, and they both know it. She’s thinking. Something. Something sharp, biting, maybe hurtful. Maybe hurt. She doesn’t see her opponent set up to serve, she doesn’t see the birth mark slip into view, just a bright yellow blur headed her way. She lunges as best she can, practically on the tips of her toes to make it, and she hears a tink. And then a crunch.

She kisses the concrete like it grabbed her by the hair and pulled her in, and her teeth scrape her tongue and leave gapped indents there, heavy and bleeding. She doesn’t hear her mother, or the gasps of the spectators, or the medics asking the other girl to clear the ground. She can hear her own breath, her pulse, and laughter. Wild, hysterical laughter she only notices is coming from her when she looks down and sees her stomach contracting with it. And then she sees it, that abnormal, jagged looking leg of hers. Bone not made to wave. And she cries as hard as she’d laughed.

“Hey, Dad?”

It’s later than he’s normally up. Generally, he’s out at 9 p.m., still careful to be healthy where he can be. Where it’s normal. 

“Shouldn’t you be in bed? You’ve got prac… what’s up, Lily?”

She bites her lip, shifts back and forth on her feet the best she can. Her right leg is just a bit more bent than the left, wrapped in soft, beige bandages. She didn’t like the brace. She doesn’t want to look at him, so she looks at the wall. There’s a photo of Mom, fist raised, mouth agape in a scream, dress white and pristine. The Junior Opens. She sniffs.

“Can I just… I don’t know. Can we pretend like I’m little again?”

He shifts, pats his lap, smiles like it’s the only thing keeping something aching and raw at bay. Something that’s needed to be touched for years.

“‘Course, Lilybug.”

And she falls into place like it hadn’t been ages. Like she’s allowed to like her Dad, head on his thigh, eyes trained on the coffee table. There’s a letter from some college there with her name on it, somewhere cold and rainy. Somewhere they could use a name to their tennis team. 

“How’s Mom?”

He tilts his head to look down at her, the side of her head, the shell of her ear, the soft lashes of her eyes that are slightly damp. 

“Oh, Lily… how are you?”

She swallows, places a hand on his thigh and squeezes there, not tight, but firm. Like it was a natural place to settle. Something unharmed and soft and a healthy, functional leg. Her throat tightens. The world looks blurry. She thinks the letter says Yale. The water makes it hard to tell. Her voice is just a bit too quiet when she responds.

“‘M fine.”

It’s silent for a moment, one heavy breath, then his lighter one. A volley. She rolls onto her back to look him in the eyes, and finds a spot of brown in the left one. How had she never noticed that before? It looks like the color of Mom’s eyes. Even he’s got her little territorial marks on him. 

“Can I say something stupid?”

He nods, hums his affirmation, waiting like it’s all he wants to do. To look at her and wait and let it just be quiet. She appreciated the stillness. It’s easier to be sad when it’s quiet. It’s easier to love then, too, melancholic and bittersweet and sticky like saltwater taffy. 

“I always wanted to dance.”

He buries her face into his stomach when her lip trembles. She wouldn’t want him to see. He doesn’t want her to see his watching teartracks. In the room over, Tashi sits with her head in her hands and her eyes downcast. She hopes Lily would consider a coaching position.

fellow tummy hurt-ee

fart donaldson :( he wanted to become a cloud when he grew up :( but he had to do tennis :( and now his tummy hurts :(

thank you @blastzachilles @cha11engers!

tears of joy streaming down my supple cheeks and gorgeous thighs

now playing: ava's challengers anniversary playlist

TRACKLIST 01. lollipop – atp x reader 02. lavender haze (acoustic) – art x reader 03. wassup - artrick x reader 04. let’s be friends – tashi x reader 05. a kiss – patrick x reader 06. harder to breathe – art x reader 07. ever since new york – patrick x reader 08. love me harder – art x reader 09. princess of china – patrick x reader 10. where were you in the morning? – art x reader 11. like real people do – tashi x reader 12. bodyguard - patrick x reader 13. morning light - art x reader 14. my boo - atp x reader

BONUS TRACKS 01. grow up – art x patrick 02. we cry together – patrick x tashi 03. hum hallelujah – art x tashi

2 fics per day • links will go live as fics post • celebration hosted by tacobacoyeet • songs are linked to numbers • celebration will take place from april 19, 2025 - april 27, 2025 • i will not be answering requests during this week

yeah i think im gonna block you forever now

— Sun Bleached Flies .ᐟ

CHARACTERS: PASTOR’S DAUGHTER!TASHI x FEM!READER WORD COUNT: 2.4k CW: religious guilt, LOTS of internalized homophobia, general angst 

a/n: okay this isn’t 100% accurate to christianity and such… i tried though… i tried so hard… please don’t hate me… i hope you enjoy! <3 (and i'm apologizing now) link to main post!

— Tashi shouldn’t be feeling this. 

She knows she shouldn’t. She’s the Pastor’s daughter. This is wrong. Blasphemous. Sacrilegious. 

The way she feels when she looks at you sitting beside her in the front pew, when she sees you standing with your family at Sunday service, and she feels the need to grasp onto the cross hanging around her neck, like a lifeline in stormy waters, to remind herself that what she feels for you isn’t right. 

You’ve always been a little different than the rest of your family and the church, and it doesn’t go unnoticed. Not outwardly different, no, you dress and maintain yourself the same, but there’s just something about your behaviour that stands out in an inexplicable way. 

Tashi watches you from her spot next to her father, you laughing with your family, looking around the church when the conversation is about something dull and uninteresting. When your eyes lock on hers, and your face lights up with a small wave, she realizes she’s been caught staring, and her brain short circuits. She can feel the blood rushing to her cheeks, the way her whole body goes warm, and her hand grabs her necklace with such a force it almost tugs it clean off her neck. 

Only after you chuckle at her reaction does she give a small wave back, her smile forced and tight-lipped as she looks away and stares at one of the various icons of Jesus surrounding the church, begging him to plead with his father for forgiveness. 

When she looks back to where you were standing, you’re already gone.

She lays awake that night, head angled back into her pillow so she can stare at the cross hanging high on the wall above her headboard, her mind racing with the thoughts about you that she wishes she could block out. 

The way you look when you’re sitting on the pew, or kneeling during service when she sneaks glances beside her while her head is bowed and resting on her hands, or walking up to the front for communion. The way your skin looks so soft, and your eyes sparkle, and your body moves. The way you’d look–

No. 

Bad Tashi. 

God loves her, but not enough to save her. Not if she keeps thinking like this. 

So she shuts her eyes, rolling onto her side and curling into herself, almost in fetal position, as though she can find some way to be reborn, reborn without these thoughts fueled by Satan, reborn as a normal girl. Reborn as a normal girl who does as she’s supposed to, as a normal girl who likes boys.

When she does fall asleep, it’s restless, plagued by the thoughts of her abnormality, of her wants, her desires. 

But the sun rises and sets, days passing. Each night just as restless and guilt-filled as the next. 

She thinks that if she doesn’t acknowledge it, if she doesn’t speak it, if she just keeps pushing it down, it won’t be true. It can’t be. 

So Tashi tries to keep her thoughts in check, staying with her father as though he is God Himself, able to grant her forgiveness for Him. She reminds herself of her faith, praying first thing in the morning and just before bed, hand always wrapped around that cross pendant as she toys with it on the chain, begging its holiness to seep into her. 

But the cycle begins again when she gets to church next Sunday, sitting in her pew in the front row as usual while Father Duncan is elsewhere in the church, preparing for service. 

As she hears people begin to trickle in, Tashi looks behind her, and there you are. 

She looks up to the crucifix behind the altar, and has half a mind to kneel and start praying. 

But you take your seat beside her, as usual, as Tashi works on composing herself. 

“Hi, Tashi.” You smile as Tashi looks up at you, and her heart squeezes. 

“Hi.” she croaks. 

“Would you wanna hang out sometime this week? I have a few tickets to see that new movie that just came out.” 

Tashi can’t think straight. You want to hang out with her? Is she dreaming? No, not a dream, a nightmare. Maybe if she hits her head against the pew she’ll remember that this is all fake and not real and wake up from this nightmare, and all will be okay. She won’t have to hide from her father or the Father. 

“Tashi?” You snap her out of her thoughts, and she’s never been so embarrassed. She can hear her blood rushing in her ears, her hands clammy and body hot. 

“Uh, yeah—I, um. I might not be able to go to the movie, but we can, um, we can definitely hang out.” 

You nod as service starts, and whisper to her. 

“We can talk after service.” 

She nods in return, swallowing hard as you both stand for the procession. 

The service starts, and it feels like torture. Every time you kneel for prayer, she glances over at you, her mind wandering, imagining, going places it shouldn’t. When communion starts, Tashi almost doesn’t go up. She feels too guilty, like her father will be able see through her, into her secrets and the deepest, darkest parts of her mind.

Service finally finishes and Tashi looks over at you again. 

“Are you free tomorrow?” she manages to get out. 

“Yeah.” You beam. 

“How about a walk and a picnic?” 

“Sounds perfect. Ten? The old trails behind the church?”

“Eleven?”

“Eleven it is. See you there, Tashi.” 

“See you.” She smiles back, waving as her father calls her over. 

You wave back, and she feels both like she’s flying, weightless and giddy, and like she’s being dragged down to the depths of hell. Like if even indulging in this ‘friendly’ outing will make her the biggest sinner her father has ever met. 

She watches you leave again, just like every week before, but this time with a small smile on her face. When she leaves with her own family, she immediately starts planning the picnic, baking and cooking and packing. Tashi doesn’t know why, but she feels the need to make everything perfect. Just for you. Tomorrow is going to be a big day. 

She even thinks about telling you her sins. 

That night, she sleeps a little easier. Still restless, but she’s hopeful there’s a chance you’ll be able to knock some sense into her. 

Until she starts having nightmares of you again. You, kissing her, with those soft, soft lips, the ones she’s stared at countless times. You, with your hands on her, that delicate touch you save for only the most fragile things used on her, like she’s something beautiful that could shatter. Her, on her knees in front of you, worshiping you like you’re taking His place. Like you’re actually her God. Like you’re actually her Jesus. Or the roles reversed, with you on your knees in front of her, staring up at her like she’s your God. 

And sleep becomes restless once more. 

When she wakes up, curled in on herself once more, Tashi’s cheeks are crusty with dried up tears. She doesn’t know when she started crying during the nightmares, but she quickly becomes conscious of the fact she broke one of the Ten Commandments in her nightmares, and they quickly start back up again as she slides off her bed and kneels against the side of it in prayer. 

Today she’ll tell you. She’ll tell you, and you’ll tell her how wrong it is. Shame her into normality. Shame her into conforming. 

Tashi gets ready for the day, mentally too. She’ll need to be strong to have the conversation. 

She meets you by the old trails behind the church, picnic basket in hand. 

“Hi, Tashi!” Your voice is excited, like you’ve been waiting all night for this, and she can’t help but smile in return. 

“Hi.” 

“Morning was good?” 

She can’t exactly tell you about her nightmares, about the fact she went against the rules so clearly set in place for a good Christian, so she lies. “Yeah. great.” 

The walk to the clearing is peaceful. You and Tashi speak about your lives, your plans, what you’re here for, your faith. She almost brings up what she wants to tell you on the way there, but decides against it. It’ll be better if you’re both sitting down. 

When you reach the clearing, you help Tashi set up the picnic, salivating at the food she prepared. 

“These look incredible, Tashi…” 

“Yeah?” Her heart swells, she’s always loved compliments from you. 

“Yeah.” 

You two sit, eating and laughing, falling into easy conversation. If there’s silence, it’s comfortable, as you look around the clearing at the surrounding flora and fauna, Tashi just staring at your face, trying to figure out when to ruin what you two have got going on. 

She decides to do it when you’re both about to pack up, standing up, picnic basket in her hands.  

“Hey, uh—”

“Yeah, Tashi?” 

Tashi’s throat is dry. Her voice is small. Shaky. Unsure. Her eyes gloss over, not quite tearing up yet, but she knows she’s nearing that point. 

You notice immediately. Of course you do. You’re different. You’ve always been so good at reading people. 

“Tashi, oh my god—are you okay?” 

“I, um. Oh, yeah—yeah, of course. I, just—I have to confess something to you.” 

“What is it, Tashi? You can tell me anything.”

Anything but this. At least in Tashi’s head. 

“I—um—oh, god. How, how am I supposed to say this? God, I’m going to Hell—” Tashi’s near hyperventilating by this point, the tears finally welling up. 

“Hey—hey, hey, hey, Tashi, look at me.” you speak softly, grabbing her shoulders gently, as her head shoots up to meet yours. “Breathe with me. In… out… in… out…”

She follows your instructions, breathing with you. Slightly calming down as she stares into your eyes, looking at the way they soften around the edges as you look at her, the way your lips curve into that small smile as her breathing returns to somewhat normal. 

“What’s up?” 

“I—I’m such a bad person. I have these thoughts. These awful, awfully depraved, sinful thoughts. I have these nightmares where God isn’t my God anymore. But someone else. I—I’m going to go to Hell.” Tashi repeats the last part quietly, like she’s trying to prepare herself for it.

She pauses. Takes a deep breath, composing herself as the tears roll down her cheeks. 

“I have, I have these thoughts about, about—”

You’re silent, giving her the chance to speak. To get it off her chest. 

To make it real, to acknowledge it, to stop pushing it down, by speaking it into the world. 

She doesn’t know how she manages to get the next words out, but she spits them in your face like she thinks they’re venom. She wants them to be. 

“I have them about you.” She tacks your name on at the end, trying to make it fatal, for both of you. 

She waits for you to yell at her. For your face to twist into disgust and tell her she’s plagued by Satan, agree that she’s going to Hell. To push her away, and run back to the church to wash your hands with the holiest water, just to get any trace of her off you. 

But none of that happens. 

Your face softens, eyes welling with your own tears, as you pull her into the softest, yet tightest hug ever, like she’s a delicate flower you’re afraid will wilt if you’re too rough with her. 

Tashi doesn’t know what to do. She’s conflicted. She thought you would hate her, why are you being so kind to her? This isn’t right. 

She drops the basket, letting the leftovers, the laughter, the happiness, the joy between you two spill onto the ground, and pushes you away, her face twisted into something nasty. 

“Why don’t you hate me? This is wrong!” 

Your face twists into one of sadness, no, not sadness. Pity? And she hates it. She hates the way it sends a pang through her heart. She hates that you pity her. 

“Tashi, it’s not wrong. Just because you like a girl doesn’t make you a bad person.” 

“No, it does! This is wrong, it’s a sin! And you’re just as bad as me for accepting me.” she spits out. 

“You know what, Tashi, maybe I am. Maybe I’m even worse because I’m just like you and I accept you. Because I like girls too.” 

She freezes at that, the tears flowing down her cheeks. 

“You—you do?” 

“Yeah, Tashi. I do.” 

It suddenly makes sense, and she stares at the ground to process it all. 

Why you’re different from the others. 

Why she’s been drawn to you from the beginning. 

You’re both the same. 

But you’re not. Because Tashi isn’t like you. Not really. 

She grabs the cross around her neck, and looks back up at you. 

“I’m not actually this way. I’m normal. You’re just corrupting me. You’re here from Satan to corrupt me, to bring me to Hell with you. And it won’t work. It won’t. I won’t let it.” 

She can see your face crack, can see you try to hold back tears. 

It shatters her heart. 

So she delivers one final blow. 

“This was a mistake. I’m not going to Hell with you.”

Tears start flowing as you watch her walk away, walk along that trail you took together. You kick the picnic basket, sending it flying somewhere, and sink to the ground, sobbing into your hands. 

It wasn’t supposed to go like this. 

Tashi gets back to the church, sobbing, and locks herself in the confessional to grieve you, and confess to God. Tashi knows it’s nothing unless she talks to her father, but she hopes this is enough anyway. She can never tell Father Duncan what she feels. Never. 

If it’s meant to be, then it will be. 

And Tashi Duncan doesn’t think it is, so it won’t. She’d rather let the guilt eat her from the inside out. For the rest of her life. 

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GIMME

It viscerally pains me whenever someone says Tashi pushes Art to do tennis. Pushes him to perform on that level specifically because she wasn't able to. Not only is just a bad take on the characters, depriving Art of autonomy and Tashi of nuance, but also...do people not realize how painful it would be for her to see that? to be close to every achievement she knew she would have reached in half of the time, and knowing she can't even claim it for her own? It's masochistic just to read, and Tashi is many things (strong and ambitious, to name a few) but never masochistic. She starts to coach Art because he asks for it, she continues because he wants it. It is a mutual choice, one that ends up hurting both of them in their own way, but still a mutual decision.

Whatever pleasure some people like to make it seem like she'd gain from pushing Art to his brink is truly nonexistent.