Memories

memories

pairing : sparrow!ben hargreeves x fem!reader, past!umbrella!ben hargreeves x fem!reader

genre : angst, heartwarming, hurt-comfort

warning : prepare your tissue if you’re attached to umbrella!ben ig

summary : in which she found glimpse of them together through his eyes—the man that wore the face of the love of her life

wordcount : 3k

a/n : inspired by the song glimpse of us by joji. and i am aware that there are a lot of stories especially these days. If there are resemblance between this story with others then that is completely out of my control. great minds thinks alike after all. requested by @torchioethan i’ll try my best to interpreted the song to their relationship. the story is up to your interpretation by the way. on my remus lupin angst i wrote “some endings are meant to he interpreted differently.” also do you think this is ooc for sparrow!ben? cause this is what i think he’ll act like in this situation. also i put some addie larue reference in this iykyk

masterlist

Have you ever lost someone and then you just feel like you see that someone everywhere? Every place, every street, everyone, reminds you of the memories you hold dearly close to your heart no matter how hurt it is to remember for you refuse to ever forget about it. It hurts so much it does, but that’s the price you have to pay.

The first time she saw him again after going back from the 60s with the dysfunctional bunch of siblings, she thought she was dreaming. Perhaps, it’ll be easier if it were just a dream. Cause now she has to look at the face—at the body of someone who once had loved her and found nothing. A stranger with the face of the love of her life.

Same name. Same face. Different memories.

But does it all even matter now? The world is ending in hours. She could meet her Ben again, that only if he really does exist. She has never been the one to fully understand the concept of time and Five doesn’t speak in a language that she is capable of understanding.

She raised her glass of champagne in Luther’s direction as he danced with his newfound love before averting her gaze to take a look around the room. Diego and Lila being in each other's arms. Klaus being Klaus. Five who seem to be enjoying his time with the number of empty glasses on his table. And lastly, him. Sitting on the table far back from everybody else, drinking quietly as his eyes, too, roamed around the room. Even from a distance between the two, she could tell that he was judging all of them silently.

Slowly she rose and walked toward him with her glass wrapped around her fingers. Once she arrived at the spot, she gestured to the seat next to him. “May I?” Without hearing any response from him, she sat herself on the seat, putting her glass on the table. “The party is over there yet you distance yourself from the others, emo boy.”

He rolled his eyes at the nickname she gave him. “If anyone here is emo that would be your brother. All brooding, laying down alone in my room, wearing nothing but black.” He looked over at Viktor and she followed his line of gaze. “First, Viktor isn’t emo, and second, you just prove my point here.” She gestured to his situation right now. “You just described yourself.”

The look in his eyes was nothing like her Ben as he glared at her, glass tightly wrapped around his fingers. “Look, if you’re going here just to brag about your oh-so-perfect Ben. The others had took their chance every time they passed me so don’t even bother.” He leaned forwards to her—trying to somewhat looking intimidating as she looks at him, totally unfazed by it.

“No.” She leaned closer to him as he leaned back, clicking her glass with his. “That is a too sensitive topic for me to talk about. Actually, I was trying to give you some company.”

“Well, I don’t need your company.” He talked back.

She leaned her back on the seat. “Too bad. I’m already comfortable sitting here.”

“Then I’ll just go away from here.” He got up, looking at her irritatingly, clearly annoyed by her presence. Turning around he began to walked away from the girl that has been haunting his mind, but then she said something that made him stop. “You know you don’t want to, Ben. You wished to stay here. You want someone to tell you to stay. So here I am doing you a favor by saying this.”

Walking back towards her, he pointed his finger right in front of her face, a look of exasperation plastered on his face. “You stay out of my head. Don’t even try to use it on me.” He said. “You think you know me. You know nothing about me. Nothing. I don’t need your company and I most certainly don’t need your pity. I don’t need you.”

Her gaze softened at his words, his last words may hurt a part of her but it was nothing she hadn’t heard before. “I don’t need my powers to know what you’re thinking, Ben. Besides, it never works on you. Not on you. Not on any version of you, I suppose.” She looks back to her glass, avoiding his gaze before feeling him walking away from her.

***

Looking at Luther and Sloane, she offered them a large smile. “I’m happy for the both of you. Wish we could have more time to know each other, Sloane.” She said, eyes falling onto the girl that is wrapped around Luther’s arms before looking back at the sky that is torn apart every second that passed. “With the world ending, there’s nothing anyone wants more than spending time with their loved ones. I know I would do the same.” She could feel Luther’s eyes on her as she said that. “Cherish the time you have left together, okay?” That were the last words she uttered before she went back inside the building, leaving the newlywed to have their moments alone.

What she didn’t know was the fact that Ben was listening to her words as he finally succeed to get rid of Klaus’s presence. He was about to grab another drink when he heard her saying that. Spending time with their loved ones. What is left of his family are only Sloane and Reginald. One who is currently with the man of her life. The other one probably conspiring something against someone. Sloane, his sister, what left of his bunch of adoptive siblings, sure there’s a part of him that cares for her although he won’t admit it out loud. On the other side, Reginald doesn’t deserve any love from anyone in the building. An ounce of him may won’t stop trying to prove himself to the guy but he’s sure that there is no love that he holds for the old man.

Before the girl who just entered the building could fully walk passed him, he grabbed her wrist, stopping her in her tracks. She looked at him expectedly, a look of nostalgia flashed for a second. Perhaps it’s the alcohol talking, but the words come out of his mouth without permission at all. “Want a drink?”

She let her hand out of his grasp, raising one of her eyebrows. “Did Klaus really manage to talk some sense into you? Or is it the alcohol talking?” She paused before answering the real question. “The answer’s yes by the way. But not here. Let’s go somewhere else.”

***

“A windowsill?”

“A quite spacious one, yeah.” She put herself in a comfortable position before patting the space in front of her. “Come on. There’s still much room left here.” Rolling his eyes slightly, he sighed before sitting in front of her. Both of them facing each other, on the windowsill as the world out there is falling apart. Her gaze stayed on him as he sat there trying to search for a comfortable position. A nostalgic smile went onto her face. Happiness and sadness all become one as a glimpse of her Ben took over his position for some split second.

A memory from her past.

“Out of every place in this goddamn hotel, you-“ He began to complain.

“Hey, the world is falling apart. Be grateful for a few seconds.” She looked out the window. “Ben would’ve loved this.” She muttered loud enough for him to hear.

“I am Ben.”

“Well, not you. I mean Ben Ben.”

“The other Ben?”

“No. You’re the—Can you just drink it already and try to not be an asshole?” She almost forced the alcohol down his throat if it weren’t for him who already doing that as she spoke before. She looked at him before averting her attention to her glass, muttering under her breath. “Maybe this is a bad idea.”

“Not really. No.” His response caught her off guard as she wasn’t expecting him to even hear her. She pursed her lips, before taking a sip from her glass. “So you do need some company. Is this your attempt to not be alone at the end of the world? Was it because of the speech I gave earlier?” She put it down and then propped her chin on the top of her knee.

This time, he is the one that avoids her gaze, looking at the falling word around them from the window. “I thought you said it didn’t work on me.”

“Just because my powers don’t work on you. Doesn’t mean I’m an idiot who cannot connect the two dots together, emo boy.” She said.

He looks down for a few moments before looking back at her, an uncharacteristic look on his face. “Guess that—guess that makes me a special emo boy or what?” This time he didn’t complain about the nickname. Instead, he said the words that brings a smile to her face. She nodded slowly before leaning back to the window frame and with teary eyes she lets out a chuckle. “What?” He asked, raising one of his eyebrows.

“You’re making it difficult for me to not cry. You see, you’re not supposed to say that. Not with that face.” She paused, taking a deep breath trying to not let the tears out just yet. “Gosh, you don’t just look like him or sound like him. Now, you talked like him. I suppose my prayers are granted in a way. I see you again now. Breathing and alive. Just not—just not the you that I need. It hurts looking into your eyes when all I see is him and yet there is no trace of him in this falling world.”

“What was he like?” His gaze stayed on her, less tense than usual. “Truly. What was he like?” He asked once more.

“What did the others say?” She asked back.

Hesitantly, he answered her question. “He was……kind. Selfless. A tiny dark cloud on a perfect sunny day. A know-it-all. A scold. Most of them-Most of them are bad qualities.” He furrowed his eyebrows together and seems to be frustrated not being able to decipher why the other Ben was so special compared to him. “I’m the Number One. Numero Uno. He wasn’t, was he? All of those praises about him, look how he ended up 6 feet under.”

Brushing over his last comment, she nodded her head. “Well all of them are true. He was a great guy, wasn’t he? One of the best that I ever knew.” Her eyes trailed over the window. “I first met them all when I was around the age of 8 or 9. He was hiding behind Klaus or Number 4 at that moment. He was never been the one to love the public attention but somehow tried to gain mine. I suppose that makes him sweet. After his death, none of us have been the same. All of us were drowning in a sense, well we all have been drowning for a long time. But since that happened, none of us could ever reach the shore.” Her chest got heavy just from thinking of that feeling.

“Where are you now?” He inched closer towards her.

She pursed her lips before letting out a deep breath. “Just floating around, I guess? Not drowning but not completely free either.” She thought about her last interaction with Ben. “Perhaps this is it. With the world ending, I’m getting closer to my final destination.”

Looking back at him, she continued her words. “Ben. He was-He was easier to love out of everyone in that room earlier, out of all the people I’ve known in my whole life. And mind you remember this, I love all of them greatly—well not all of them,” She referred to Reginald. “We all have a fair share of memories together, mostly in our youthful days that are full of trauma created by your daddy dearest—even I had some of mine too and I’m not even a Hargreeves.” Both of them chuckled at her words.

“Very much relatable that last bit. Klaus said a similar thing earlier. About how he was easier to love.” Ben inched closer once more, perhaps this is the alcohol talking, but seeing him open up his feelings to her like this makes her pay no mind to the fact that by tomorrow he’ll probably change into hard-shell Ben again. “That doesn’t seem fair. All of you love him like that yet none can do the same for me.”

Biting back a snarky remark, she decided to say something else instead. “One thing about him is that he makes love seem to be a casual thing to feel, I mean it is, truthfully it is but not many people have the opportunity to realize that.” She wiped a single tear away. “There are a lot of things to pay for when it comes to love. To any kind of love. Meeting you is one of those. The price I have to pay for this moment is not a kind one.”

He nodded quietly before looking back directly into her eyes. “I’m not him, you know?”

She chuckled at his words. “Of course, you’re not. I’ve said that already. If yes then I won’t be just sitting in front of you right now.” I would hold you and never let go like you had wished once before your last moments. The last part remained in her mind. Glimpses of them together flowed around the two, yet she was the only one to remember. “It is a lonely thing, isn’t it? To remember when the other person doesn’t.”

“What if……the other person does?” Her head snapped back towards him as he said so. Letting out a shuddered breath, she opened her mouth to ask what he means by that but she wasn’t able to find her voice at all. Then he continued his words. “You know what sucks, you have all of these memories with your Ben and I-” He took a glance at the sky before looking back at her. “And the only recollection I have about you is the one I had in my dreams. The one that I forgot the moment that I woke up. The one I wished to remember because there’s this feeling that I can’t understand every time I am in that dream.”

“You said all you see when you look into my eyes are him. Yet when I see into yours all I see is you. No other version you. Just you you cause you’re the same one from my dreams. The dreams that left only glimpses in my memory. But then even in those dreams, you were with him, I suppose. That happy feeling was his feelings, it was never mine, to begin with. All this time I was dreaming of someone else’s memories.” Tears stream down her face as she takes in the look in his eyes, the same look he used to give her.

This Ben would never be her Ben. He was already gone from her world. Leaving nothing but the memories that remain in her heart. Nothing but the feeling that she would always feel till the moment she passed. Meeting this Ben had brought heavy feelings to her heart. Makes her yearn to see a glimpse of him in his eyes. And when she found what she was looking for, hurt was all she found. “I’m sorry, Ben.”

He smiled bitterly. “Out of everyone, I thought you hated me the most.” He said. Recalling her avoiding him at all cost during their first interactions when the Umbrella first comes back to the timeline. The look in her eyes when she first laid her gaze on him was one that he will not forget.

She looked at him with sadness in her eyes. “That is an ability that I am not capable of. I cannot afford that. I don’t think I could even if I tried. You’re too much like him. Any version of you they all-well, I’ve only met two of you but you’re much more alike than I thought you do. Your feelings. The way both of you feel, I found it beautiful.”

A comfortable silence engulfed both of them as the two leaned back to the window frame simultaneously. The world is still falling around them. Slowly fading away from reality. Most people are already gone, reuniting with their loved ones on the other side.

“You were right.” His voice makes her look back at him. He offered the palm of his hand to her, so she made up a scissor using her point and middle finger. “I won.” She said with a large smile on her face.

Ben rolled his eyes. “You’re so childish. I couldn’t see why he loved you so much.” He said, clearly lying.

She crossed her arms. “Oh, the alcohol finally worn out? I was enjoying the non-asshole you.”

“Oh shut up.” He hushed her.

“What was I right about?” She waited for his response.

He met her eyes once more. She could tell that he was hesitant about it. “With the world ending, there’s nothing anyone wants more than spending time with their loved ones. Any kind of love.” Her eyes stayed locked with him as she reached for his palm once more, a warm smile on her face.

“Any kind of love.” She replied back.

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new story concept

taglist! @glxssyhexrts @isimpforeveryone @pinkcherrytea @ray-of-sunrise @lodeddiperrodrick @ttaeh @birbtweettweet @gordona424 @wyrd01366 @pro-serpine @bryannabarradas @justaproudslytherpuff @tasmtrilogy @ac-book-nerd-13 @nao-cchi @jasmines-greentea @s1xthirty @corallyink @frxnchxfrxes @sunnsettee @avengersmarauders @glitter-and-gills @ladyofhellhounds @missbeverlyhills @nellie-mars @middle-child-syndrome701 @ttynatmyo @neotechclub @rogerslaufeysonn @divinekokomis @thebloodrobin @hiraeth-maximoff @maizieval @angel0signal @joyfullyswimmingface @kim-an-44 @morecthh @grievingghost @enviousofyoualways @iodinexo @bumbelbeeesblog @r0zu0 @iamyourgender @junsfilter @cherrychaeryoung @ajdahak @bebyyyyyy @sstellari @prissyimagines

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the umbrella academy ben hargreeves

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ao3 ao3 skins ao3 site skin

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ar3um

7 months ago

Vince: Ok, kids, We’ll be working around the Safe Haven today, so split into groups of two

Thomas: Rock, paper, siccor, winner gets Newt!

Newt:

Thomas and Minho: *doing rock, papaer, siccor*

Based on a true story

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the maze runner tmr newt tmr minho tmr thomas safe haven the ivy trio

34 notes View Post

ar3um

7 months ago

I do love the idea of Shen Jiu being the more stylistically feminine Shen Bro with the more agressive personality while Shen Yuan is stylistically more masc while having that little coquettish personality of his.

Like yeah, Shen Jiu WOULD pop off all ten of his press on nails before immediately knocking your teeth out. (He would get acrylics but then he couldn't pop them off to fight people :/ ) Shen Jiu having bar fights in a mini skirt. He takes his earrings out and hands them to YQY.

Shen Yuan blushing and hiding his face like a delicate maiden while dressed like Adam Sandler.

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shen yuan shen jiu shen brothers this is probably incoherent

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ar3um

9 months ago

he won

bonus:

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mdzs hualian Svsss wangxian bingqiu moshang

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ar3um

3 months ago

The Amnesiac Ghost King Shen Yuan who wakes up in his territory surrounded by bestiaries, shadow demons loyal to him, animal skins, with a fateful feeling of loss and... he has a wife? He knows he has a wife! Well, a man-wife? Just by looking at a couple of his maids he is convinced that his wife cannot be a woman.

He have to find his wife! Husband. Spouse? In fact, he has forgotten almost everything except his own name and the fact that he is dead and is a ghost king, so with the covert help of his servants, he manages to leave and sets out on a quest. He has to find his beloved!!

... It's difficult when he doesn't even know what he's really looking for. He is a little disappointed, but suddenly, he hears disturbances in a forest. There is a fight between a beautiful man and a wild beast. Oh! He sees him, he recognizes him! His wife!!

He claps his hands in the air, stopping the beast's attack; the beast quickly scurries away, afraid that it has disrespected Shen Yuan. The man dressed in noble elegance and a zuiyin on his forehead looks at him, annoyed, but Shen Yuan doesn't even notice him as she hugs him.

"Oh, wife!" Shen Yuan says. He feels him for wounds. He is strong, he knows it! But still, he's irrationally worried. Just because he was strong didn't mean he couldn't be hurt, and that would be horrible!! "It's been a while. This husband of yours asks for forgiveness. Some creature ate his memories, but I have found you. This husband of yours would recognize his wife anywhere, no matter how many memories they take from me. Is my wife safe?"

Shen Yuan misses the chaotic array of emotions on Luo Binghe’s face. Confusion turns to doubt, doubt to shock.

"Husband" he says, the voice a little strangled, and Shen Yuan only squeezes him tighter in his arms.

"There, there," he consoles, dragging Luo Binghe's head down, towards his neck, to hug him and brush his hair there. What a lovely wife of his, letting himself be pampered so well. "Everything will be okay, you've been a good boy in my absence, I can guess that. How would you be anything else? So beautiful. So strong."

Shen Yuan keeps showering his wife with pampering, sweet words. He feels that he must say all that! It is necessary! It is necessary for his wife to know!!

His wife - Luo Binghe, provides his mind, and Shen Yuan is pleased to remember that as well - lets himself be hugged and adored. Shen Yuan hugs him and takes care of him until he feels he can detach himself a little to cover his face with tender and sweet kisses. So adorable!

Finally, when the reunion leaves them calmer, Shen Yuan is satisfied to go eat somewhere and then begin the hunt for the monster that ate his memories. He is definitely dying to remember more about his beloved!

... His loving wife doesn't seem to find it all that necessary. Long days of irreverent flirting, wet kisses, and groping in wooded corners pass by. The hunts turn into hot sessions of kisses, moans, a little more desire here and there. Shen Yuan rides his wife with joy and satisfaction. His wife lets him kiss, suck and spoil him as if it were the only thing that gave him happiness in the world.

Neither he nor his wife can keep their hands to themselves. His wild groping ruins the chances of hunting the beast that ate Shen Yuan's memories more than once. In the end, Shen Yuan can't be upset with his anxious wife, though he pushes out his frustration by pushing him against a tree and taking him standing there, making his needy wife cry with pleasure.

When they finally hunt down the beast, before Shen Yuan can regain his memories, his wife is hesitant. He asks Shen Yuan not to be too angry with him. Shen Yuan has no idea why he would be angry. He loves his wife. Nothing would make him angry with his beloved wife.

... The next morning brings back memories for Shen Yuan. It brings back to Shen Yuan not only the memories of the desperate papapa from the previous night, but all of his damn memories. His transmigration. His second death. Becoming a ghost despite everything!! Rising up the ghost food chain to become a ghost king!!! Take over his own territory by raising beasts and creatures! Stand back from Binghe's growing empire so as not to be overthrown!

And now, what the fuck?! Why did he think of the protagonist as his wife?! Why would the mighty Emperor Luo Binghe agree to that?!

Why would he think he doesn't like women anyway?! He's so damn straight!! But all that... papapa with the protagonist... damn...

Luo Binghe enters the inn room without knocking. He has breakfast in his hands and a soft expression on his face. Shen Yuan feels so guilty that his stomach feels twisted.

"My Lord, this humble one is so sorry, I shouldn't have assumed..." he starts.

Luo Binghe blinks at him… confused?

“Who Lord?” he asks, his voice extremely soft. The expression on his face, soon, looks so betrayed that it seems he is going to cry. “Was my husband expecting someone else?”

Shen Yuan blinks once. Twice. What the fuck.

Oh, he suddenly thinks. They must have been careless and now Luo Binghe's memories had been eaten by another beast. Ah, crap. That would make sense, considering that, uh, after killing the beast and releasing those memories, well, uh, the heavenly pillar had been inside of him for a long time, so, uh... distracted. Very distracted.

"Oh no, sweetheart, this husband got confused" Shen Yuan says as quickly as he can. "Come to bed. Are you okay? What's the last thing you remember?"

Luo Binghe blinks his sweet eyes, and walks over to the bed. He carefully puts down the tray before snuggling up next to Shen Yuan, as if he weren’t taller, stronger, and more powerful than him.

"This wife only remembers his husband," Luo Binghe said, sighing. "And he doesn't think there's anything else important to remember."

Shen Yuan strongly disagrees. Luo Binghe, don't you have a huge harem and a fucking empire to run!? Lots of important things to remember there!!

"It's fine," he hums. "We will have breakfast and go hunting. My wife deserves his memories back."

Luo Binghe nods, a happy sound coming from his mouth. Shen Yuan sighs and kisses his cheek, because he's supposed to think he's his wife, and ah, he's not going to treat him badly now, right? And Luo Binghe looks happy and sounds happy and Shen Yuan could enjoy that a little bit more. He'll have his crisis later.

They will hunt down that beast, recover Luo Binghe's memories, and then he will never see him again. Eh. If he survives Luo Binghe's fury for subjecting him to these humiliations. Damn.

...

(In fact, Luo Binghe has not lost any memories.

In fact, he just wants to convince this beautiful ghost who treats him so well to stay by his side longer. He will do whatever it takes! Hadn't Shen Yuan wanted a wife? He will give him a perfect wife now! A wife so perfect that even with his memories back, he will never want to leave him!!)

Tags

tgcf shen yuan Svsss scum villain's self saving system mxtx luo binghe amnesia mxtx svsss bingyuan svsss au original luo binghe scumbag self saving system svsss ideas ghost shen yuan ghost king shen yuan tgcf ghosts technically freak4freak? amnesiac shen yuan temporarily technically crossover??? tgcf x svsss

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ar3um

1 year ago

Nightwing as a flying fish mermaid, in honour of Mermay, because I am every shade of nerdy

Tags

dick grayson

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ar3um

4 months ago

Tags

fanfiction ao3

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ar3um

11 months ago

FOUND family??? you think i just found them like this??? babes this is FORGED family. Me & the bros were scrap metal in a junkyard (very valuable, very sharp, very dangerous, uncared for) and we GOT IN THE FUCKING FIRE TOGETHER. WE did this. we said I AM NOT LEAVING YOU and melted into each other for better or for worse (it’s for better) and we are A FUNCTIONAL UNIT now. DO NOT SEPARATE. BATTERIES FUCKING INCLUDED. FOUND family my ass, we built this non-nuclear family unit from the ground up, don’t devalue this!!! it was is and will be a labour of love!!!

Tags

dick grayson dc comics wally west roy harper garth of shayeris donna Troy fab five og titans core

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ar3um

1 year ago

Please i need people to understand that the tragedy of robins is that their parents did love them.

Dick’s parents love him they didn’t want to leave him. Jason’s parents loved him, they didn’t want to be trapped in poverty and crime. Steph’s mother loved her, she didn’t think Steph would get caught up in her husband’s schemes. Tim’s parents loved him, they never meant for him to be as alone as he was. Cass’s father loved her, he wanted her to be as strong as she could be. Damian’s mother loved him, she was raising him in impossible circumstances. Duke’s parents loved him, they never planned to get caught up in the attack.

And yes, these situations are different. Duke and Dick’s parents were good people, Steph mom and Jason’s dad are sometimes depicted as abusive but at other times shown to be struggling with their circumstances. Tim’s parents and Damian’s mom were good people who should never have been parents. Cass’s dad was a bad person who shouldn’t have been a parent. With Cass, there ended up being abuse, and with Damian too because one way or another Talia or the league’s training and general way of life would’ve harmed Damian, and some depictions of Tim’s parents imply severe neglect. But deep beneath that, despite the circumstances and even the failure of the people themselves, they did love their children, and were trying in their own way.

Just like Bruce loves his children, and why I’m sort of against the terrible father depiction. Because I think he’s traumatized and his knowledge of parenting would give him a poor subconscious fathering ability, but CONSCIOUSLY he loves his children, and he would try. That’s the difference. All the robins were loved, but they all lost their parents anyway. And they all will be loved again, because even is he fails, Bruce loves them too, and he is trying to do right by them. He’s trying to make sure none of their stories are tragedies.

Tags

dc comics

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