It’s Terrifying How Accurate This Is.

Y’know, I had this weird plan to separate myself from everyone. I figured if I just left and didn’t look back, then I could just stay by myself and nobody would bother me.

The plan was super simple. Just stop going to school, don’t make unnecessary contact online, and tell everyone when you see them that your doing fine by yourself. Tell them you prefer being by yourself, and they’ll leave you alone.

It worked.

The plan worked perfectly and, for the most part, I’m alone again.

I’m alone again.

Nobody really cares about me or my life. about the things that I like or dislike. Sometimes they say they do but I don’t really believe them. I have no reason to. It’s not like they’ve given me one. They’re always lying about themselves anyways. Hiding things from me, only to say them when they think I’ve left the room. That’s fine. I get that. The need to vent about your feelings is understandable and I’m not a very nice person to begin with, so I get why people don;t like me.

I wish that they did though.

I don’t like being alone.

I say that I do, but that’s not really true.

I just don’t like being scared and that’s all I ever seem to feel when I’m around people. I’m scared that I’ll mess up somehow and they’ll hate me like so many others already do.

(they all left me)

I hate that.

I hate that part of me that everyone seems to despise.

(all of me they hate all of me and so do i because i should)

That part of me relishes in those terrible feelings, in being feared and looked at with disgusted eyes. That part of me thinks it’s hilarious how much these feelings affect the rest of me.

“It’s fine.” She says with her sickening smiles and empty eyes.

(terrifying monster makes me sick want to vomit)

“It’s not.” I mutter because I’m too tired to say it louder.

(so tired just want sleep stop it let it stop please)

It’s always been like this and that’s not fine but it also is.

(its not it never was)

Because I’m worthless and that’s just how it is has been and always will be.

(it hurts)

That’s fine.

(its not)

I’m not though.

(im not)

...

The plan worked.

(it hurts)

I’m alone again.

(i didnt want it)

I’m not as happy about that as I thought I’d be.

(i wasnt happy to begin with)

(we never were)

A dark alley deal is about to take place... Not really though, the bathrooms are just very weirdly placed here.

Just some normal conversation from a year ago. And soon, Christmas shall come once again... Soon...

Look! It’s One Punch Man in the flesh! (at WasabiCon)

I needed this in my life.

Check me out! Makin art and stuff.

My friends and I talk too much shit sometimes...

Amber:Alex, can I kill Brianna as well for her memes?

Me: YOU CANNOT STOP THE MEMES! i SHALL NEVER DIE!!!

Amber: I am the reaper and I will kill you and take your soul.

Alex: I am a psycho and there will be blood, suffering, laughing, and slaughter.

Me*shouting*: I don't have a soul! And who the fuck do you think you are trying to kill! I've killed gods and destroyed universes, Fucker! Fucking come at me with your weak ass reaper self!

Me*in a calmer voice*: Have fun, Alex. Save some meat for me when your done.

Alex: There will be enough meat for all.

Me: Cool.

*is pouting*

What the hell, Funimation...

I was in the middle of watching “Handa-Kun” and you just went and crushed my dreams like the assholes you are. How rude, deciding to do scheduled maintenance in the middle of my binging.  

I even decided to start watching your shit yesterday and this is how you repay me. With buffering, glitches, and maintenance induced shut downs. Damn it...

Well, at least I finished watching “Servamp” beforehand. I would have been incredibly annoyed if I had been forced to take a break in the middle of that. I would have to put in the effort to find the anime elsewhere as quickly as possible. And, given how apathetic I am by nature, that would have been a pain in the ass. Too much effort.

Y’know, I really felt connected to Kuro and his laziness in Servamp. I pretty much agreed every time he said things were too much trouble. Personally, I would very much prefer to just laze around doing fuck all instead of going out and trying to help people. Then again, I don’t have the same reasoning as Kuro does when it comes to a lot of his apathy so, I suppose, I can’t really talk.

Whatever...

*sighs*

God damnit, Funimation. Finish your fucking maintenance already!

Logan: *Watching the news* Some idiot tried to fight a squid at the aquarium.

Virgil: *Covered in ink* Maybe the squid was being a dick.

I’m sure it’s easy to tell but, I have an Instagram now. By popular demand of everyone I know, it’s finally happened. Woot, I guess...