I Take It Back-

Honestly, I had questions when HyunA died, most of them just being why. After everything, after the pain Luka left her with, and the immense guilt over Hyunwoo's death, knowing what she's been through, why would she willingly take a bullet for Luka or even embrace him? It felt contradictory for a while, but now that I think about it, it feels very true to what we know about her for HyunA's character to have gone in this direction because of the person she is.

HyunA is the character who lived the "freest" life after escaping Alien stage. She got to experience what living freely was like outside of that environment and learned how to grow beyond being a pet human into her own person.

She was determined to keep pushing herself to move forward with each day because she would not let the struggle or her past stop her from continuing to live. Luka might've thought of Hyuna's rebellion as avoiding the situation, but she was building a life for herself, and we can see just how much HyunA grew during her time with the rebellion, how much she was loved and loved in return

HyunA didn't dwell on her past too often. Even so, her attachment to her childhood is significant; naturally, it makes her who she is today. The happy memories from her time in Anakt Garden that shared space in her heart with her moments with the rebels show she's reluctant to let that part of her go. But alongside this comes a burden she has to carry for years because she's constantly reminded of Hyunwoo's death; the child in her was still, always grieving him, feeling to blame for something that wasn't her fault. The pain of remembering it all weighs on her heavily.

Luka is the last living symbol of her past and her trauma that she couldn't let go of. The lasting sentiments and fondness she has for him clash with the complicated feelings he left her with after her brother's death. She couldn't bear being close to Luka anymore because knowing he was the cause of her brother's death hurt her. She regretted ever even getting close to Luka. She resented herself even more because she didn't want to let go of him

HyunA is brave for having worked so hard to get to the point where she could laugh again after escaping. There was a time when she was overdrinking and smoking to cope with the full force of her emotions when she first arrived at the rebellion.

After time passed, she could act as if she were confident and already resolutely moved on on the surface.

But really, Luka remained an everlasting and lingering presence in her life. The way Luka haunts her brings her back to the past she doesn't want to address. The way she used to see him as this harmless lonely boy who'd cling to her and follow her around. Now, she avoids his gaze or freezes when she sees him. He's a constant obstacle in her journey. She resents that undeniably. But she's guilty that despite that, and after everything, she still cares about Luka enough that he is a weak spot for her.

HyunA isn't a vengeful person. She is a justice seeker, but she isn't angry. She wants peace; she wants peace for herself and the people she cares about, and you can't find that in anger or hatred. Many people's first response in her position would've been to be angry, and rightfully so. But HyunA doesn't let anger dictate her next actions no matter how justified she would've been. That isn't the kind of person she is. This doesn't mean she accepts the pain she went through, but she always wants to keep moving forward in the right direction.

HyunA's humanity and love are strong aspects of her character; they've guided her to this point, and since she is effortlessly compassionate and selfless, always putting what she cares about before herself no matter how foolish it may be

It didn't even take her a minute's thought to save Luka the moment she realized he was at risk. She just moved. Despite her appearance of disinterest moments before, when she realized what he was doing, that look in his eyes (she knew him better than anyone there did anyway), that part of her from childhood that was always caring for and looking after him naturally resurfaced instantly. And like the impulsive, self-sacrificing person she is, she protected him.

Even with HyunA's extremely mixed feelings and lingering affections for Luka, it is not acceptance of all he did to her or forgiveness that makes her save him. The pain and discomfort Luka put her through is inexcusable. Regardless of however much she might disregard/dismiss it, she still suffered. She never forgot that, that's why she can't forgive him.

But it is HyunA's love, compassion, and humanity that have always guided her. At heart, she has a beautiful and kind soul. She fights for others because of her many experiences and the death of her closest loved one. Even though she 'could've' let Luka die, her strongest core values override the resentment she has in her. She doesn't forgive him, but it represents how HyunA cares about humanity. It represents how HyunA has always cared about Luka no matter what happened between them.

Love is twisted in every aspect of this series as it is fully intertwined with humanity. and it shows. Despite her complicated feelings that are deeper than even terms like love or hate can accurately apply, Luka is still HyunA's biggest weakness, despite the moments when she was angry with him and maybe even wanted to hate him; it's a testament to how much she cared about Luka. She couldn't. In fact, her love was so great that she wanted him to live.

It's incredible how this is her most selfless and selfish act yet. There was so much on the line. The rebellion still needed her, and Mizi still needed her. She still had a life to live for. but she died for Luka because she couldn't see him die. After all, she still cared about him so deeply. She even sees that Luka should still have a chance after everything and passes down her soul to him through the words she'd been told before, urging him to find peace within himself and live on without her, knowing he has never had that chance. And that is so fittingly human of her.

But really, why does he deserve it? Why does HyunA think Luka deserves it?

HyunA didn't want to live in self-hatred and anger over things she couldn't change. She wants to look beyond it, grow, and experience life to the best of her ability while she's still alive and working with the rebellion.

-

"HYUNA is the kind of kid who carves out a path for herself that she thinks is right."

"She doesn't look back when she feels weak or hurt; she keeps moving forward, and that's what HYUNA is today."

-

It's because of the person she is that she even rescued Mizi. Because HyunA recognized herself in the lost, distressed girl who was carrying a burden like no other and needed guidance. That's why she rescues Luka. Because she recognizes him as a human who deserves a life worth living with happiness and peace like any other. The narrative doesn't excuse Luka simply because HyunA feels that way for him, but it does provide insight into her reasoning for saving him. Optimistic or foolish as it may be, it's very HyunA in its way of execution

do you know how hard I prayed hyuna would say Sike and revive at the church today... its been a whole 2 days I've been crying nonstop

father in law still loves u maggie

@anne-the-insomniac exactly (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡

Take I haven't seen in the fandom yet:

Luka doesn't want to be freed.

"Now, MirrorCatCreditcard," you may say, "that's nonsense. Any human would want freedom from that system."

If you're thinking I'm gonna convince you that Luka doesn't know he wants freedom yet, you're wrong. I'm here to talk about indoctrination/conditioning, grooming/emotional manipulation, my own experience with those topics, and how all of the above connects with Luka as a character. If a deep dive like this is too much for you, please tap out for your own sake.

Luka's life was planned before he even existed. There has never ever been an alternative option. There is no life for Luka as anything but what Herperu chose. Everything in his life has been planned to have him be the perfect pet human idol. That is what he must be.

Fandom, I don't think most of you actually understand this and have dissected what this means (shout-out to the Luka stans who are getting there/have guessed similar things). These words we know have alternatives and are not set in stone are Luka's "gravity makes rain fall to the earth" and "water makes things wet." They are facts so deeply ingrained within him that even if shown the contrary he remarks that the person showing them is just disillusioned.

Take his commentary on Mizi and Hyun-A in the art book. He looks down on Mizi for not being able to control any of her emotions. How does he talk about Hyun-A? He has her at 70% affection yet shows a patronizing attitude—she's the one in denial at reality.

Now, how did we get here? How is a human so "delusional" and set in the control?

He's been conditioned.

Some of you don't know what I mean by this from experience and/or research, and count yourself fortunate that you don't. I pray you never experience such things firsthand. Don't worry about ignorance. Familiar or not, I will explain.

When you are surrounded by only one truth and reality, that is the way you interpret life. If a parent tells a child "the moon goes to sleep during the day," until the child learns otherwise, that's what they believe. Now take that child-like belief and add some toxic environments to the mix. With time, any other kid would learn that the earth rotates from their peers or adults around them. But if the creatures around them all say and believe the same thing "the moon goes to sleep during the day," then that is what the child continues to believe. Years of that same thing being the only truth make that false knowledge into a fact in the person's head, and everything that supports that fact is taken as truth or on the right path to truth.

"This is kinda silly though," you guys are no doubt murmuring, "All of this is a hypothetical. Give us something that makes sense or that someone could actually see happen in our society."

I'll give you my own experience then. My parents taught me that God is real. My parents taught me that I will be damned I do not follow the commandments of the scriptures. I didn't need to worry though. As long as I was obedient to the God who loved me and wanted what was best, I would be saved despite being born an awful sinful human. I was homeschooled, only interacted with people of similar beliefs, and taught that people too different from me in ideology or with radical beliefs against my own were trying to harm me and my family. I believed the people who raised me because why would people who love me lie to me? My task was simple. I needed to obey God and love everyone, especially them. Love meant giving up my entire being and living only as servant and sacrifice. After all, being selfless to the utmost was the greatest form of love.

Let's go back to Luka. His guardian, Herperu, when questioned about any surprises while training Luka, stated not only that he was the one who endured the "tough moments" but also that "(Luka) owes his success to me, and naturally, he should be grateful." This sentiment is echoed by Luka in his interview (shown on Patreon). My god, it's giving parents with disabled kids who brag on social media about how much trouble their kid is and how much they do for them. Sickening. This shows exactly what environment Luka has lived in though.

When you are manipulated into having something as your reality, everything else is fiction and delusion.

Let's review what exactly is Luka's reality.

Heperu is the one suffering if Luka has any difficulties being obedient.

Gratitude is what Herperu is owed because he goes through so much trouble to make Luka a star.

Love/care is shown by owning another's autonomy.

Emotions and bodily reactions exist, sure, but someone should be able to control them; and if they can't, someone should control those reactions for them.

Segyein are superior and the good ones for dealing with humans. Humans must be disciplined and shaped to how an segyein wants it to act to be considered deserving of this goodness.

(Luka)'s perfection is defined by his guardian.

Luka's life is directly connected to being the perfect performer. His guardian praises his abilities with the statement that no other pet human will ever be as perfect as him yet leaves an underlying threat saying that it will be no good if a pet is not trained properly. This has probably been mentally (if not physically) beaten into Luka's mind: his greatness doesn't stop him from being able to be disposed of. The human instinct to want to live has been explained to him as Heperu's wish for him to live and that has been further distorted as a duty to live for the stage he has been placed on.

Luka believes fully that there is a debt in play here. In his interview, he mentions repaying love. He thinks the relationship between fan and idol is completely normal, encouraged, and healthy. Performance is the most important thing. Being where he is is a privilege.

There's a chain here:

Heperu indoctrinated Luka into believing what he says is all true.

The guardian manipulated him easily to do what he wanted with his body and mind.

The years have been spent constantly conditioning Luka to be the god who encapsulated fantasies for the audience.

He is continually being groomed to exist for the entertainment and enjoyment of segyein.

Circle back to my first point of this post. Luka does not want to be freed. He doesn't know what freedom actually is. He sees freedom as either foolish denials of reality (and doesn't consider that actual freedom) or as controlling the song and stage when he performs (something he learned from Hyuna). He cannot want something he cannot understand. He cannot want freedom in the sense the fandom keeps speaking about.

It's funny. From the moment Luka was revealed to be hated by the fandom, I wanted to know why. Instead of digging and finding horrific deeds, I instead found a character who portrayed my own traumas and experiences. I instantly attached and delved deeply into learning about this thirty year old singer. Why does he express himself in a certain way? Where do we first see mention of him? Who does he have emotions towards? How was he trained? What makes Luka himself? I have past essays/replies to other's theories if you're interested, but in this one I got personal and didn't sugarcoat the facts. If the fandom can't handle deep thought, we shouldn't be discussing this incredibly profound and depth-filled web series.

As always, thank you for your time, and I hope my thoughts allowed you to open your mind to new things. Mostly, I hope you enjoyed them 🫶

current mantra

oh, golden boy, don't act like you were kind

old man yaoi posting