Academia-wannabe - I Don’t Know What I’m Doing

aesthetic for @mathemaphia

the glide of a fountain pen across paper

wanting to understand the world and your place in it

an organized desk, everything in its place

finding satisfaction in the precision of mathematics

a freshly steeped cup of tea with fragrant steam

your favorite tea mug set out on your desk

splotches of ink on your hands, worn like badges of honor

always hungry for knowledge, eager to know more about everything

books that make you contemplate your own existence

novels by kafka by your bed

using math as a lens through which to decipher the world and its rules

gazing out the window on long car rides

language textbooks - french, german, korean - stacked by your desk

finding order and patterns in the world 

a contemplative soul, mulling over big philosophical ideas

pages filled with long strings of calculations

muttering verb conjugations as you work on memorization

wanting everyone to see beauty in math the way you do, even though it’s considered a frightening subject

researching your favorite authors

studying language, shaping your mouth around unfamiliar words

"Dancing in a swirl,

Of golden memories,

The loveliest lies of all,

The loveliest, lies of all."

When I realised that changing myself for anyone wasn’t necessary and only made me waste my own energy I decided to stop that. After that it shows how they don’t need you anymore. And that’s what I changed in 2021. I want to do what I want. I don’t want the ‘what if someone judges me?’ mindset. I want to read books, get enthusiastic about history, watch movies all alone. Society doesn’t want me to watch movies alone? Good for society, I don’t care anymore. I want to live my life the best way only I can imagine. I want to be there for the people I truly love. That’s the whole thing this year and I’ll keep that up.

The beauty of Over the Garden Wall. 2014, Patrick Mchale.

allez où vous vous sentez le plus vivant 🕊

my favorite mushroom finds of 2020

‘Pomegranates, Majorca’ by John Singer Sargent (american, 1856 - 1925)

Over the Garden Wall

Led by the mist by the milk-light of moon, all that was lost is revealed. Our long bygone burdens, mere echoes of the spring, but where shall we go, and where shall we end? If dreams can’t come true, then why not pretend?

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”

Albert Einstein